regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 80.229.129.138	3-Dec-07/8:54 AM
It conveys grief openly and unashamedly. The language changes from creative to the more basic but you place them well. Frank, honest and no bullshit poem, i respect that
Re: My circlet of reveries by liya	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	3-Dec-07/11:56 AM
No this one is good. And I hope I don't dissuade your writing with my (harsh?) comments, I'm no professional poem ranker or anything, I'm just here to have some fun. But with this one, while the imagery is good and it tells a story vividly the rhymes/words seem kind of forced and the style seems kind of dated. You should read a lot of new stuff, maybe you'll see. Of course, I'm not really one to talk about reading others poetry, I barely have time to read my own.
Re: Engine Braking by INTRANSIT	Dovina 75.82.99.11	4-Dec-07/1:40 PM
Whenever I see and hear a big-rig down-hilling with jake-brake screaming, I wonder if the driver still has ears, much less, whether he hears the wind a cooling fan makes. Maybe those things are super-sound-insulated, never been there. Tach and speed align at what? - 40mph, 4000rpm?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 75.82.99.11	4-Dec-07/1:48 PM
"She smiles like the coyness of world peace, before world war tomorrow." - love it. Slept takes = Sleep takes, I think. "Deep, like that of an addict" -> Deep like an addict - try that.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 75.82.99.11	4-Dec-07/1:53 PM
One of your best! Plain phrases, strong and clear, replace your sometimes otherworld wanderings.
Re: uh..huh.. by nobody	Dovina 75.82.99.11	4-Dec-07/1:55 PM
too many words, too little said
Re: Day Dream by Jessina	Dovina 75.82.99.11	4-Dec-07/2:00 PM
a nice attempt at old-time charm. Some of the articles and pronouns can go I think, i.e. "Where he waltz with his amazing charm" = Where he waltzes with amazing charm. With treasured violin in hand Composing blissful ardent hymns
Re: disregard by Skamper	Dovina 75.82.99.11	4-Dec-07/2:05 PM
First 5 lines draw me in, then into what? You lose me in midstream, and at the end I wonder what I read.
Re: Whore of Babylon by oneglove	oneglove 71.79.52.193	7-Dec-07/9:24 AM
work in progress, just felt like posting something since i havent in so long
Re: Day Dream by Jessina	Prince of Void 80.71.127.249	7-Dec-07/11:34 PM
a nice poem ..
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 81.158.153.183	8-Dec-07/4:31 AM
Parts of it don't scan as it is. Write it out purely as a monologue (which is what it is in essence) and then dismantle that on the page. Things I like: wailing walls and waifs of wood. Things I don't like: the bit about Eden, and surveying of stains (a bit of overkill). I'm not crazy about him seeing acceptingly that he's in denial either. And - I know I'm picking only the bits that I didn't like - referring to himself in the third person is a bit, well, pompous. Maybe other people will disagree with me. If it was my poem I'd look to scratch a few things and tighten it up here and there. That's my five minutes' worth of thought, anyway. Keep writing.
Re: Engine Braking by INTRANSIT	Ranger 81.158.153.183	8-Dec-07/4:34 AM
Perfect word choice, but it left me wanting something more. Do you use sat-nav in your cab?
Re: Day Dream by Jessina	Ranger 81.158.153.183	8-Dec-07/4:37 AM
Pretty.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 81.158.153.183	8-Dec-07/4:40 AM
Very strong, and I love the idea of awaking in tattoos. I just think you could get more effect by bringing in some sort of rhythm. I don't feel any in here.
Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT	Ranger 81.158.153.183	8-Dec-07/4:45 AM
The last 6 lines are the best I've seen on poemeranker in months. The grammar Gestapo are going to be calling round about a couple of those apostrophes though.
Re: On the Swings by Christof	Ranger 81.158.153.183	8-Dec-07/4:48 AM
This is utterly wonderful. Why is it buried away?
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 81.158.153.183	8-Dec-07/5:02 AM
Damn good. Just change "that is...pregnant" to "who is..." I don't think the narrator wants to objectify his wife in that way.
Re: 7 Deadly Sins by forsaken	Dovina 208.127.120.32	8-Dec-07/7:08 PM
Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride - Yep, you've sinned them all and deserver hellfire without possibility of parole. That's what you deserve, but because of one who already paid, you get better than you deserve if you want it. However, the sins of "your still save with me", "that bad that", and "I haven't crave in such awhile" are simply unforgivable.
Re: Whore of Babylon by oneglove	Dovina 208.127.120.32	8-Dec-07/7:11 PM
Lines 3 and 4 are good. The rest, well, a work in progress.
Re: Day Dream by Jessina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 79.65.246.152	9-Dec-07/5:35 AM
This is an excellent poeme. Unfortunately it makes me think that you don't really appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. You think it's all about getting presents, but it's not.