| Re: What I Exist For by Dovina |
francis nor capule 12.129.230.11 |
1-Apr-05/7:05 PM |
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sigh... that moment's bliss.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
francis nor capule 12.129.230.11 |
1-Apr-05/10:01 PM |
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nay i think not. whoever it was that the subject of your poem was gave you a reason... a goal... i liked this.
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| Re: Spanish Woman by James Rykelangeli |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/12:57 AM |
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V4 L5 "Willow Hair". Good use of the word urticant. Although with the help of translation 3, I couldn't help but think crabs.
Your use of diapason just seems wrong to me. At first I thought it was a typo, but after a second glance, I got curious. Was there a reason for diapason, as opposed, to anything else meaning the full range? Not that it matters, but I just thought it an ill chosen word. -9-
<3 Jason
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| Re: that sixty minutes by francis nor capule |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/1:13 AM |
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Thanks for the blog update. Would it kill you to use a metaphor, turn a phrase, a simile, an alliteration, or even just your imagination? Thank god it doesn't rhyme every line or other, but without even that thin excuse, this isn't a poem. There is no art here. So no vote.
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| Re: Deep Thought by Dreammaker1024 |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/1:16 AM |
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More of a rant than anything.
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| Re: Memory by chocolate9009 |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/1:24 AM |
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Lose alot of the spacing, and give this a little bit of rewriting. Mainly the last line. "Brick wall, Brick wall, I should've kept my pace," would probably sit better as two lines, instead on one. -6-
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| Re: Broken and Floating by camperdfl |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/1:34 AM |
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Potential, but I doubt this took you more than 20 minutes to write. The first few lines are drab. The last 2 are great images, but don't run off the tongue like they should. Read a little more poetry, then rewrite this. -5-
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| Re: a poem to a friend by that_funny_girl |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/1:57 AM |
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Heaven Help Us, poetry about Instant Messaging. Like what a totally incredibly rad awesome amazing Idea! What's next, poems about blogs and cell phone text? This reeks of Jr. High School. Good feelings to have and all, but crap for verse. -3- Because its at least poetic, somewhat, by a stretch.
<3 Jason
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| Re: a feeling by i_am_the_popsicle |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/2:04 AM |
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"the only thing better than being an understood prophet
is being a misunderstood one"
Good lines. Most of the rest has no real depth, and isn't all that inticing. -5- because it better than most of what I've read tonight.
<3 Jason
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| Re: education by the_poetess |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/2:07 AM |
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| Re: What I Exist For by Dovina |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.228 |
2-Apr-05/2:13 AM |
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As we all know I'm a sucker for decently written sappy. I love how the last verse says so much, in so few words.
<3 Jason
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| Re: Spanish Woman by James Rykelangeli |
Dovina 12.72.5.179 |
2-Apr-05/8:18 AM |
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How about: past the world, and whispers,
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| Re: The Universe by durr_T_hip_E |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/10:06 AM |
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not to bad actually, but it could use some work for sure, perhaps if you left the one word per line format, and it into like a tanka or haiku or something it would sound better
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| Re: The Joynt by durr_T_hip_E |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/10:08 AM |
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interesting to say the least
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| Re: criminal by durr_T_hip_E |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/10:10 AM |
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it sounds nice but thats all it does, a word to the wise: don't try to build a hidden "meaning" when it isn't there, either be tricky or be straight forward but dont have nothing
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| Re: You Pick It by durr_T_hip_E |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/10:29 AM |
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i agree with dovina it was good but at the end the poem died right along with the kid - 7 for an other wise nice work
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| Re: Amsterdam One by durr_T_hip_E |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/10:30 AM |
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not my style but its sounds nice
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| Re: All About Me by chocolate9009 |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/10:43 AM |
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| Re: Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222 |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/10:51 AM |
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this is one of the most beautiful things i have ever read, and the way it just kept me going from one part to the next is amazing, i usually dont like things this long but this is beauitufl
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| Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus |
dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139 |
2-Apr-05/11:03 AM |
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