Re: ceiling by not_a_philosopher	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.160	8-Apr-05/3:00 AM
The last two lines, start off okay(timing wise, writing wise they are a horrid trainwreck), but notice. In the other two pairs of lines, (and;in). Filler words, to spread your timing out better.
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 172.213.214.212	8-Apr-05/7:31 AM
your one of a few who's style gets me each time. this has a beauty.
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 172.213.214.212	8-Apr-05/7:39 AM
It flows fine but the openings very weak and as a lyric it holds merit but as a poem it just dont bang.
Re: Hard Rock by Dovina	Caducus 172.213.214.212	8-Apr-05/7:40 AM
lines 4/5 very clever - good poem.
Re: look east when you leave west by Caducus	Dovina 12.72.13.182	8-Apr-05/7:55 AM
Something about writing a poem about never writing another poem is very nice. Greek gods, not Gods. Good title.
Re: Alive by emilyowey	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.158.173	8-Apr-05/12:01 PM
Try not using the same word twice, much less beginning all of your sentences with "Like, Than, There, Mpre, And, Out", not only does it sound forced, It does nothing for your originality and makes your piece rather bland. <3 Jason
Re: Alive by emilyowey	emilyowey 159.242.147.115	8-Apr-05/12:02 PM
I feel the repetition adds to the continuity and style.
Re: Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.158.173	8-Apr-05/12:08 PM
I hate the words "My ancestors did it to your ancestors", but thats just because I don't agree with the whole "sins of the father, sins of his children" idea either. Excellent close. <3 Jason
Re: Forbidden Fruit(2) by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Dovina 205.184.70.141	8-Apr-05/12:18 PM
I get the forbiddenness you want her to see. But it seems that if you want to use that Biblical analogy, it would be better to talk of Eve and a serpent and the enticing fruit on a tree she was told not to touch. And twist that image into the things your are saying.
Re: Moments (or) Suicide by Dovina	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.158.173	8-Apr-05/12:21 PM
Last stanza, 2nd to last line, "as" seems like unneeded filler. Same with S2 L1. Last few lines seem a little convoluted. I get your meaning, but... there has got to be a better way of getting your point across.
Re: Mixtapes (or We Always End Where We Began) by philn	Dovina 12.72.9.197	8-Apr-05/2:33 PM
It's a nice play on cliches. I don't see the mixtape analogy, but I'm not in the music business. It seems cliches are unavoidable - birth, life, death - cliche, cliche.
Re: Poets are dead! by Prince of Void	Dovina 12.72.9.197	8-Apr-05/2:40 PM
Not to wake you up again, but don't you think this is too dismal. After all, if there's absolutely no good and no life in what we do, then why are you doing it?
regarding some deleted poem...	binglesbangles 82.68.165.251	8-Apr-05/2:48 PM
nothing to suspect.. im not a man im a woman
Re: fallen angel by josh_5o	binglesbangles 82.68.165.251	8-Apr-05/3:04 PM
i feel touched
Re: Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 69.238.208.181	8-Apr-05/4:07 PM
It's good but I want ten acres and a mule before I'll let myself forget what "you people" did to those people
Re: Moments (or) Suicide by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 69.238.208.181	8-Apr-05/4:11 PM
Are grading your life on strict percentages or are you willing to use a curve?
Re: Moments (or) Suicide by Dovina	edpeterson 68.252.103.203	8-Apr-05/4:30 PM
Are we supposed to give a numerical vote on your life, or on the poem? Life: 2.1, poem: -0-
Re: Coloured waifs home by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 205.188.116.139	8-Apr-05/6:54 PM
this is actually a senryu
Re: Mixtapes (or We Always End Where We Began) by philn	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 82.39.21.223	9-Apr-05/7:24 AM
Mix tapes are pathetic. When you make a mix tape, you think, "How eclectic she'll think my tastes are!" You think juxtaposing a "beautiful acoustic guitar song" with a "hard rock" song is deeply meaningful.
Re: Coloured waifs home by horus8	edpeterson 68.252.103.203	9-Apr-05/8:40 AM
This is actually a chancrous cock on a string