al-naafiysh
on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina
10 Apr 2005, 3:05 AM
Almost forgot to tell you.
The old man is very ill.
A startling shake of the blubber.
excellent
Fuck yeah!
"as if it wil all my problems mend" ---- if you can't make your rhyming sound at all natural perhaps you should not try rhyming - this sounds incredibly forced
i love some of the imagery
you have the disconcerting habit of having someone remedy your ills in the past tense while you are still in the present-----
again,this is senryu not haiku
i'm sorry but there is no answer to all the worldy grief's - that is one question that has puzzled philosophers for centuries
Science has explained away none of the magic of love between dog and human. The study of evolution only enhances the magic.
Well stated, though I disagree with your conclusion.
Then it's not perfection, is it?
The first five lines are good, but then it wanders in bad grammar: (you lips are chapped) and (milk for you drink) The last line is only vaguely supported.
please, at least make it clear what you are getting at, so that if your only goal is to sound nice, people will know it.
This is among the top, oh, five most disastrous things you've ever written. Some questions:
1) What "freedom", "authority" and "power"? Oh, you mean the Black President. Or maybe you mean for the oppressed in your poem to be Middle-aged white women, and the oppressed group men who would be secretaries but (until recently) were denied the opportunity.
2) Are you being ironic?
3) Do you know?
4) If you are, do you really mean the exact opposite (like ironists tend to do)?
5) Have you ever read Margaret Atwood's short story "Rape Fantasies"? You should.
6) Do you think you can still be friends with al-naafiiysh, blacksoul, and jroday after this?
7) No vote.
You don't have more than a middle-schooler's familiarity with poetry, do you?
You're wrong. Dogs do love humans. They've evolved to love humans. They evolved that way because the pack-behavior and imprinting that help them find food and fend off predators in the wild reacts well to a different-species dominant male (i.e., a human owner).
Jared Diamond writes extensively on the topic in Guns, Germs, and Steel, before going on to discuss how zebras, though pack-oriented, have never been successfully domesticated. Nor even very well tamed, except by the eccentric Walter Rothschild, 2nd Baron Rothschild, who once rode a zebra-driven cart into Buckingham Palace (http://www.nhm.ac.uk/museum/tring/histo
You can't be amidst a mind. You can be amidst minds, or amidst the wrinkly lobes of a brain.
PS-congratulations on staging the return of napkins to poemranker. It's been a while.
-10-
D. I enjoyed reading your poem.
I was reading some of your comments, and the
way I feel is people need to be open minded about
the past if they think that this poem will break up
our friendship. Then they don't know me very well-10-
D. as for as your poem reads why should I do you like
that? When my ancestors would'nt do you like that?
Some of the comments that were made to you. Some
people don't understand that all black people don't
feel the same about the past.Our father jroday taught
us to look at the past in a positive way, and what
I mean by that is look at what our ancestors had to
go through so we could have the future that we have today. and don't go out there in the world acting like
the world owe you something because you're black.
-10-