You're saved from eternal mocking for this by the fact that you weren't even potty-trained when the song "Truly, Madly, Deeply" was popular.

Were you in a Philosophy class when you heard that? Do you believe "Because" answers the question "Why?"

"Drowned it to bed of nightmares" needs a comma, an article, or an adjective. Otherwise, Amusing. -9-

I've ment someone who skated and wrote poems before, up in Maine. When I was going to school, I doubt it, but I wonder could that be you. She also was angeered by the refrence of being like Avril. That aside I do like this poem if that what you'd like to call it. Maybe more like a quick shoot of your mind set at the time. Maybe something longer about how it feels to be alone, without anyone to fill some of that emptiness inside.

"I'm the grain of sand Locked in the car Your the sun burning me I gotta get out and run for you" you're in love with someone and you can feel it, you are basically going insane with these feelings and loving/hating every minute of it.

I wanted more...another 5 lines, please. 9

Just say what you fell and understand when you judge you are destroying nothing from me

"Productivity is a waste. Improvement means absolutely nothing. Whatever happens tomorrow, will. I can do nothing to change myself. Try as I may, I will never see fruits. My motivation is all wrong." life is so meaningless. whoever tricked us into thinking we had to be someone that mattered was wrong. you can do absolutely nothing with your life and in the end it won't make you any less of a person than someone "successful"/"fulfilled." the key is to remain hopeful, even if you may be helpless.

would have sounded better if "true" were replaced with "truth" although the meaning remains the same.

kansas? innocent? BAH.

I like the subject matter, but I would re-do the ending, it seems a bit hurried.d

Didn't really like the tone(reminded me of angst), but loved the wording. -8-

"there" in the last line should be "their". Don't put commas at the end of every line, but do put it where it belongs. And some of these lines don't make sense or are simply wrong, especially the last two. I think you might have been more interested in the rhyme instead of saying what you meant.

Get rid of all the ellipses(...)... The title rules. Made me read it twice. Made me want to delete the last 4 lines just because, don't hate me, but they sound like something Johnny Depp will say in "Pirates of the Caribbean 7". Also, you're not so subtly channeling Poe. Regardless, I like it. 8.5

Drop one of the "drawn"s from the first two lines. Change "found" to "find", and possibly "spent" to "spent".

The third and last stanzas are well-written. The rest could use some poetry.

There seem to be a lot of dangling, misplaced, or mismodifying participle phrases in this. Some examples: "Feeling atlas blue the Atlantic pulse quickens;" "pulling me in currents I fight it with leaden arms" "Staring at the ocean you loved my soup of bones." I wonder if you realize you're writing about an Atlantic pulse that feels blue, you pulling yourself in currents, and a woman who loves bone soup (but not necessarily the ocean).

There are probably happy people somewhere. You just don't know where they hang out. They want it that way.

Okay, I accept that your poetry is your form of reflection or whatever, but from our perspective it seems like you don't do anything with your boyfriends but have sex and break up. Would you ever consider reflecting on something else, like, I don't know, riding horses on the beach or the time you assigned car-models to all your friends' personalities?

It seems like you've used the phrase "Thoughts provoke actions" in, like, five of your poems. Are you running out of thoughts?