| Re: The Instructor by Alizarin_Crimson |
Ranger 131.251.0.55 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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| Re: Home by Dovina |
jessicazee 152.163.100.135 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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...P.P.S. beware accidental capitalization at line beginnings.
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| Re: Racism by Dovina |
jessicazee 152.163.100.135 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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Kind of confusing about "the six" and I think the possessive "tiger's" in line 1 doesn't work, however, I am attracted to the feeling of eyeing up the competition, and I want this to be longer.
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| Re: Actor by horus8 |
jessicazee 152.163.100.135 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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Kill the 1st stanza (unfortunate words considering the theme) but your story which follows needs not such a intangible introduction.
P.S. I've had 2 Tom Cruise dreams in the last year and does he realize his celebrity has encroached on Everyman's sleep space? weird!
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| Re: Waffleman by Stephen Robins |
wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.249 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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| Re: Waffleman by Stephen Robins |
Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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Again, I absolutely despise your work. And I know you'll take that as a compliment.
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| Re: PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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Vote for blonde, bubbly right winger?
Or a fat lesbian minger?
It's Mel for me,
For she's the Tory,
To make Peter Snow a swinger.
Now that fat truck of a mess from labour!
Why, only a body transplant could save her,
The size of her belly,
And her cunt's like a welly,
Filled with communist jelly.
The lib dem is as plain as a door,
Without paint or other decor,
Tax and spend is the vow,
Of this skinny frau,
She is easy to abhor.
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| Re: chris (not finished yet) by eliznhaz |
unknown^user 128.196.6.126 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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Is "without out" in the first line a typo?
You may want to considering adding line breaks, especially where things rhyme like at "me" and at "day."
There needs to be some sort of punctuation between "around you" and "I got out."
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| Re: Ooooo..that smell by windyone |
unknown^user 128.196.6.126 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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Is this an addition to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song?
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| Re: fake by eliznhaz |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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"to" should be "too."
"abandon" should be "abandoned."
"beatin" should be "beaten."
That's as far as I'm going.
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| Re: Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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An essay made to look like a poem. A prose poem at best.
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| Re: a way to pass time by unknown^user |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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Not enough poetic character. Call it an esay.
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| Re: Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
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A tale well told, but I always look for the twist, the irony, the lesson, or the laugh. Still looking.
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| Re: Home by Dovina |
nentwined 64.60.192.130 |
5-May-05/12:02 PM |
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| Re: PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254 |
5-May-05/2:41 PM |
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" Stop reading Calvin Trillin"
poetandknowit
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| Re: Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.153.144 |
5-May-05/3:05 PM |
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Eh? It's long, and stops to really interest around the Religious remark. Really liked the following lines.
"The Lawyers that must at times, swim against the hem of the sea;
therefore
meaning public opinion."
There is controling your audience, and then there are failed attempts. This was a fairly good attempt. Like Alizarin_Crimson said a nice start, now trim it. Get to your point sooner, and if it's going to look this bulky, Reclassify it as a Prose Poem please.
<3 Jason
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| Re: PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
ho_hum 129.169.158.76 |
6-May-05/6:56 AM |
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Why not let dear Melanie know how you feel:
melanie.mclean@gmail.com
A bit late now, but I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
6-May-05/11:14 AM |
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It's a manly thing to be in charge, control the relationship, and I usually feel a romantic submissiveness when he does. But sometimes I want my own way. When I have insisted on my way too often, then shadows of regret cloud the present. Good poem.
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| Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
6-May-05/12:06 PM |
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A few too many words - supreme in line 2, of in line 6
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| Re: My Life by RION12 |
zodiac 212.118.19.111 |
7-May-05/4:49 AM |
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Your parents will always be there for me.
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