Dovina
on Go now if you want it. by Fayt
7 May 2005, 6:55 AM
"Faith in the face of light" is the basis of all such hocus-pocus. I hope you mean this as satire.
This is good. Don't listen to Dovina. Like she'd know.
He says its good because you've written about him, his world, no longer listening, indefinite, but still real. Hey, this really is good. I've raised my vote.
Scratch the first 4 lines and put a comma after "ago"
Interesting. Starting out with a playful rhyme and then it gets all serious. I don't think it does the pet justice, though. do it again.
Initially , I think the last stanza can be better. I'll be home in about 6 days. I'll come back to it.
Love the use of rhyme with laughin and splashing. I like the latter half, and the beginning. THe middle falls short, I think, of the overall message.
Dear Mr Nentwined. Can poemranker spell seance properly?
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
8 May 2005, 4:21 PM
Dan,
where I come from (a tiny website in an even tinier country) we abhorr lines that begin with capitals, especially when there is continuity in the lines...anyway, I think the first stanza is good enough to be a poem on its own, period.
And I would remove the dots after 'what I must do now', they are not necessary.
I like this a lot, for its simplicity and sincerity. It's the 'cannot' that hurts somehow. It hurts the poem, is what I mean...
Hi, welcome to poemranker. This isn't a bad poem, just a couple of nitpicks, really. For one, there's an extra space between I'm and back in the first line - don't know why. For another, all poetry on poemranker is legally (but kind of sloppily Americanly) copyrighted by the poster as of the most recent update, so you don't need to include copyright information at the end of your poem. In fact, I think it's decreed somewhere around here that you don't. Lastly, as an American (and living abroad) it bugs me how Europeans write the same poems about America over and over. This poem could be ripped off a Blur album. And besides, most Americans don't even know who Calamatiy Jane and Rock Hudson are anymore. If you want to know what we Americans' current cultural touchpoint is, it's: Europeans.
Would you consider writing something about them? Maybe something along the lines of
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
I don't understand. So your way of living life to its fullest is to avoid even the possibility of giving a real answer?
Really great.
I think you mean "Broken", not "Boken", but I could be wrong. Also, "country's" instead of "countrys".
Have you read E. Annie Proulx's short story "Brokeback Mountain"? It offers an interesting theory as to why cowboys are a dying breed.
Drop the word "Secret" from the title. The Garden of Eden isn't exactly secret, especially considering the earth's entire human population at the time knew about it.
Is this another poem about America? Man, you're remarkably up on our current events - or, no, wait. You're not.
And anyway, isn't your part of Europe responsible for both "Nogger Black" and "Negerkuss" ice cream bars?
The first two lines are straight from crystal lane swift. The rest is good.