| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Strings (Free verse) by Fayt This world is held together by strings,
Strings of Malevolence and Malice,
These Strings bear much weight upon the world,
The pain,
The misery,
It seems unbounded,
This giving so much power to such trivial things.
The strings go unnoticed,
Never a passing thought,
The strings hold power among mortals,
Feeling that there is no way to break free of them,
Below the endless chasms of the mind there is a thought,
A thought of sanctified power,
This is what can destroy the strings of control,
A theory of world peace,
A idea beyond any other.
Up the ladder:
Secrets
Down the ladder:
Dying breed
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Posted: November 10, 2004 6:28 PM PST; Last modified: May 7, 2005 1:20 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2980075 Overall Rank: 3720 Comments:
1) Why have you added this poem to your favorites list?
2) This is absurd. Simply absurd. 3) And as far as "an idea beyond any other" goes - well, it's not. There've been lots of silly people covering this ground before you, and better.
1) i was testing out the features because im new here, i made this username about 6 months ago but never really used it, so i was seeing how it worked.
2)What do u mean by that? 3)I take that as a insult, i dont write poetry as a means to amuse others but as a means to vent my thoughts. Seeing as i was curious as of what others thought of it i posted it here; so don't criticize me by saying i am silly and others do it better.
1) Oh.
2 & 3) Sorry. I wasn't trying to be hard on you. It's just that when you write a poem you need to make sure it makes sense and isn't just a bunch of random gobble that doesn't make any sense or seem in the least true. No, that's not true. When you write a poem for yourself you can write it however you want. You can even write it in poo. But when you write a poem and submit it for other people's approval and comments, you can either try to make it some way they'll like or you can put up with people saying they don't like it and why. The reason I didn't like this poem is it doesn't make sense and it doesn't have anything to do with my world (which isn't held together by strings but by Love and humankind's general need for social interaction.) There. You can take it or leave it. PS-I voted you a 10 in order to encourage you.
Well thank you for explaining yourself a little better. Now i can understand your critizism.
and thanks for the encouragement. ;)
Is this an attack on religion?
Not particularly.
It is very hard to explain... Growing up i have always wondered if there was a pre-set fate for all of us to follow, and whether humans as a whole are good or evil, this is a representation of my thoughts gathered in a poem. That may sound confusing, but to me it makes sense in my mind.
I'd suggest 'String Theory' as an alternative title for this piece, although I'd also recommend finding out about string theory (so you can explain it to me...)
It'd be nice to see some thought given to the strings of more pleasant names, Charity for example. Also, line 7 '...such trivial things', tell us what those trivial things are (the key is not in simply listing them, but giving a new and interesting way of describing them). 248 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
This is the only username i have ever used.