Re: Homecoming by Dovina	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	12-May-05/8:07 PM
What I don't like about this poem is that it intentionally has me guessing as to what happens. If you don't want to tell us what happens, don't write a poem about it. REVEAL the truth, don't mask it.
Re: The Observer by Jeremi B. Handrinos	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	12-May-05/8:11 PM
Love "How far down the rabbit hole do I want to go?" that is a great line.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.185	12-May-05/8:29 PM
It may be best for you, but you haven't made it compelling.
Re: Planting a Stake by Alizarin_Crimson	Dovina 69.175.32.185	12-May-05/8:32 PM
A bit long and rambling for a poem, but it's a unique style, and not badly told. "amount of swimming pools" should be "number of swimming pools."
Re: White by Enkidu	zodiac 213.186.183.197	13-May-05/5:14 AM
Black (free verse) by Blackidu Dear Massa, We is black but is we safe and soun'? Why's you allus keepin' us down? Is it cause we's brown?
Re: sixth and highland by unknown^user	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	13-May-05/6:00 AM
A haiku goes 5-7-5 and is an observation of nature, a theme you altogether loose in the last stanza. No problem with me, but call it a free haiku then, or something like that.
Re: On the Bank of Lake Michigan by jessicazee	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	13-May-05/6:05 AM
The erection at the end you call an ocean... I get the picture, but perhaps you should put a blank line between 6 and 7 the prevent the reader from running off the stage...
Re: A backsliders struggle by nicole081083	Dovina 69.175.32.185	13-May-05/11:53 AM
Too many words. It would be stronger with half as many.
Re: self-observation in a chatroom with lack of sleep by nentwined	Dovina 69.175.32.185	13-May-05/1:18 PM
It slides downhill from the good first verse, as you no doubt intend. Get some rest!
Re: Nesting Instinct of Women by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	13-May-05/5:41 PM
Discovery and National Geographic outclassed Nature & Science poetry... Nice imagines. Indeed, a stiff breeze must be hell for the little ones.
Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus	some deleted user 67.33.214.158	13-May-05/10:07 PM
THis is a sweet, sentimental, evocative narrative. I especially like the first two strophes. L4-5 of S1, and the mention of the limp were especially strong. The conclusion has one foot over the line into triteness. Overall very good, but would think about the last strophe. Really you don't need it IMHO.
Re: Nesting Instinct of Women by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.179	14-May-05/1:52 AM
This is absurd. You're either talking without properly thinking again or you should build yourself a cardboard box and tape yourself inside. You're going to say, I expected you to say that. Guess what? I expected you to say that. You're going to get me wrong, I'm sure, so listen: I'm ALL ABOUT writing about women existing without men, believe me. In 99% of the cases I can imagine, it'd be absurd and fascist to read something that gives men no influence and say, hey where're the men? But seriously, the construct in this poem is beyond belief. That said, yes, of course, the virgin is most likely sealed in her egg/pupal-thingy/honeycomb-cell by a woman, her mother; the metaphor carries through. And okay, the being wakened by sisters' wings is a little Showtimey/Amazonian, but I can dig. After that it just gets nuts. The thing she fears to leave the honeycomb/cell for (in the bee-image AND the metaphor for people) is the sexual encounter. With a man. Seriously. Even if she's a gay bee, leaving-the-nest fear is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS at its root man-centered. The whole show, the mothers sealing their girls in the egg and everything, is made by and for the benefit of men. Yes, you could be saying that; but if you are, you're doing it in about the fruitest and least-useful way imaginable. Same with the "duty" she has to do. On both the nature AND human levels, the duty is to become impregnated and return home to rear children, probably by a sexual encounter that will be anything but pleasurable to her. Incidentally, that means the wind you're talking about that draws her from her course is exactly her duty, so what ARE you talking about? Now, let's backtrack a little. Maybe she's a particularly enlightened bee and the duty she's leaving the hive for is, I don't know, to become an executive, or travel the world seeking wisdom and well-being. Then she gets blown off course and runs smack into a manbee's ready cock and it's all over. Right? Do you think either of those are particularly enlightened ideas to write poems about? Yeah, if you live in the 19th century. In either event, you have a woman fearing (and by extension centering her existence around) sexual encounter with a man. Sure, that's a reality for the majority of women, but why write a poem about so uselessly euphemistic about it? And here's the kicker: she can return to the honeycomb when she wants. Hey, great! No, wait. That's EXACTLY what the fucking manbee wants when he's done with her, biologically and metaphorically. Again, yes it's true. But WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY write about it like this? Do you condone the whole scenario? No? It sounds like it. How about this one instead? Woman bee smacks into manbee's cock; copulation ensues; maybe it's not great for her; the SHE FLIES ON ABOUT HER BUSINESS. Wouldn't that be nice? PS-Scientifical accuracy alert.
Re: Nesting Instinct of Women by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.179	14-May-05/2:06 AM
PPS- re: "leaving-the-nest fear is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS at its root man-centered." Also, "[her] duty is to become impregnated and return home to rear children." It's going to be the easiest thing in the world for you to say something like, yeah you like to think so you mancentric pig. Let's make sure we're on the same page: No, of course I don't like to think so. It sucks. But I don't see any harm in keeping it as ONE way of looking at MOST human and animal interactions (as long as it's understood I mean "biologically or originally, as with bees and cavepeople, and only in a vestigial way with modern people, her duty is to..."). And I do see a lot of harm in avoiding it simply because it sounds kind of distasteful. Also, I'm not pulling this out of my ass. These are standard things held to be true by most feminist scholars, irrespective of gender. No, that doesn't mean you have to take their (or my) word for it. But where's your clearly-articulated and well-supported worldview, then? Why don't you try writing it down? I'm in the market for a new one.
Re: I sat beside the night by Niphredil	Niphredil 192.115.27.159	14-May-05/3:41 AM
I wrote this poem when I was in 8th or 9th grade. It's one of my favorites.
Re: I sat beside the night by Niphredil	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	14-May-05/2:38 PM
The Night has been poemed to death - wat isn't - but this one has been caught in beautiful thoughts. The neat rhyme is another plus. Some of your other poems are gbbldgk to me.
Re: A Cold by Niphredil	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	14-May-05/2:40 PM
Classy fun. The title is too plain
Re: I sat beside the night by Niphredil	Dovina 12.72.14.79	14-May-05/5:35 PM
This is quite good. I think it has more punctuation than needed. I'd change the first ; to "and" and omit the second one, and omit all the commas, using line breaks instead.
regarding some deleted poem...	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	14-May-05/5:36 PM
Although I am a little confused as to whose voice this is, I like this poem a lot. Big fan of the "o my god," its funny.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.14.79	14-May-05/5:40 PM
Europe, from the POV of an American, has changed from the quaint provincial self it used to be. Hey, you're a European aren't you? What's going on? Maybe the title needs another look.
Re: Mid Years by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.13.186	15-May-05/7:51 AM
zodiac, I’m responding to your several comments about relationship. I disagree that “two important aspects of the relationship are some common understanding of the nature, formed early on, and, yes, sexual compatibility.” That’s such a male thing to say and ignores a woman’s view altogether. Yes, women want good sex, and yes, we want some cerebral understanding of why we are in the relationship, but these are secondary. When you say, “I don't agree that emotional support is the most important aspect of relationshipping,” you have killed the most important thing to us and replaced it with your own needs and desires. As a woman who has loved a man, I had no desire to deny his needs and desires; I wanted to meet them because I favored his happiness equal with my own. So we worked together at compromises and gratification of each other. By the way, if what you want most is good sex, and I don’t believe it is, then it’s going to be much better when she is emotionally thinking that you care a great deal about her emotions.