Make the punch-line punchier. Otherwise, a good way to practice the damnable sonnet.

I forgot to come back to this. I'm waggin'!

If this is all true, you're an attention-seeking nonce. If it's false, you're an attention-seeking nonce.

pimple, though could work as cheap death metal lyrics, perhaps. Has a nice, swift flow.

no thanks.

I like this but I feel like a dunce for not knowing who "she" -is. Honestly I think the psuedo-rhyme hurts it.

Too funny!

Very interesting. Simple, with a hint of meta. I think I like. Speaking of, perhaps there should be an "add this to your favorites" from the poem-vote page...

I really do not care what other people like. Have you seen what people watch on television? The world is full of rather non-intelligent people. I am one of them. If you think that just because you or others can string letters into words and then into a quality poem, then have at it. Crap is crap. Most of the stuff submitted to this site is crap, but I have dedicated myself to read each and every poem and then vote on them. I have miss voted in the past due to retardation on my part. I am changing all of my votes to reflect my new vision. Write good stuff. As to speed of read, some of the poets here actually require thoughtful consideration. I am saving them for last. Infantile or baby talk or newly discovered gonads and such are very over used. On most poems all I can say is yuck. I am not talking of yours specifically, but, I have to read this crap because I post here. It is my duty. If crap is posted, I give a zero.

Well, I can't say that I could write romantic poetry near as well, as I'm from the "other side of the tracks". Thank god I wear a tea cozy. And I ordered a new one in Naugahyde , with a sea-shell veil. That's right. Surf and turf headwear.

uses a few too many words, or perhaps the words it uses just aren't as effective as they could be. Simple statement, which in this case I think is good, but doesn't work for me. The horrible pop song reference in particular... Hmm. Make me _feel_ these things, describe them instead of name them, perhaps.

rambles on too long.

"master's molten steel whip" or "masters' molten steel whips" though I can't really picture a whip of molten steel being very effective I like what you're doing, but think it needs some grinding. Needs some sharper edges, maybe a bit more beat... (forgive: Nine to fiver, slammer, anvil-man! Anvil-man that waits, still, for the master's molten whip and the blows of an ever-climbing load of work; Hold fast your shape as he wails the world and clank your affirmation as you have done since birth by casting. )) The second works fairly well as it stands, perhaps. Though, then, together, I don't get the cohesion of the piece. Why is the mill talking to the anvil? I'm only getting "You exist! I exist!", and I want something more from the exchange...

Umm. Haiku in spirit, esque, but. Hmm. No, but I like it. I'd appreciate it a lot more if you'd gotten it into 5-7-5.

I don't get the "fragile oyster flesh". Beyond that, I think this does what it's attempting rather well.

its' -> its. It breaks the "rules", of course. ;) really not following this, though.

The onomotopeaia of the first line doesn't really work for me. Beyond that, this reads as the outline of a poem that covers tired ground, but could say it in an interesting manner.

pretty, but just sort of glides past.

you sure do

Dove and Love...... truely original.