Re: Lower than low by nicole081083	sliver 172.198.81.177	26-May-05/8:48 PM
I would say 'that heaven let me in' in the first stanza. See how it flows better that way? A few other spots that seem to bog down a bit. A positive message, but I think you need repentance, also, for that forgiveness.
Re: A backsliders struggle by nicole081083	sliver 172.198.81.177	26-May-05/8:51 PM
I really liked this, mostly because it sounds like something I would have written.I especially like the part about forgetting your song. superb..
regarding some deleted poem...	sliver 172.198.81.177	26-May-05/9:19 PM
I really can't tell you how much I like this. Vivid, I think, is the word for the way this struck me. A painting of both light and dark. Inspiring.
Re: Coffined by Dovina	jessicazee 64.12.116.135	26-May-05/9:40 PM
I'm refraining from reading other comments and offer a 9.1. Good for me, if only right now.
Re: Crossing the Mojave by INTRANSIT	jessicazee 64.12.116.135	26-May-05/9:41 PM
Firebirds and cold leather souls are enough to win me over. 9.3.
Re: In the aspens by sliver	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	27-May-05/1:57 AM
Sure. Just center it and it looks like an inscription on a memorial. It's postcard poetry. The voice needs a little reverberation here. The words don't do the job.
Re: Making a Mark by andrew barnes	zodiac 212.118.19.156	27-May-05/2:17 AM
There is no reason to believe some art from our time won't make it past the next epic disaster. Um, proto-human art DID survive the last ice age. Of course, most of that was just interestingly shaped rocks. I thought "stray nuclear warhead" was funny, though. Like it was just looking for the loo and got lost.
Re: To Making Do by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.156	27-May-05/2:27 AM
"exes".
Re: Swoon by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.156	27-May-05/2:29 AM
Except for the "while he includes you in a unique line of womanhood - sesible, respectful, fun" bit, this is the best you've ever written.
Re: Izzy's Last Night by jessicazee	Roisin 80.3.64.12	27-May-05/3:30 AM
Moving and interesting. Could do with more clues to the relationship, history between these two. First two lines a little slow for the pace of the rest of the poem.
Re: Last Night by Roisin	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-May-05/6:27 AM
Just one remark: 'closed'. A cycle cannot be closed or opened. Unless you mean that breaking out of her cycle causes the hurt. But I don't think so.
Re: Izzy's Last Night by jessicazee	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-May-05/6:28 AM
Too much proze for my taste. 'is already wrote'??
Re: In the aspens by sliver	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-May-05/6:37 AM
You can mock mother nature all you want, but you will never be able to filter out a certain sense of wonder. The poem would have been great (after changes according to Dovina's advices) if it had contained both feelings. It's in the last two lines perhaps, but not powerful enough.
Re: Lower than low by nicole081083	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-May-05/6:43 AM
The awful thing is, this is such a pile of platitudes that I simply do not believe you are converted. There is absolutely no spark of true believe. What I see here is a brainwashed person.
Re: Now I'm with you by Roisin	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-May-05/7:24 AM
The most minimalist poem in the world. (except for the one that goes 'I am'). Excellent.
Re: Last Night by Roisin	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-May-05/7:43 AM
<< All the pain only relative, An evaporation from the mind condenses on her body. ... To her closed cycle of hurt >> That 6th line is a true gem. But I feel there is a contradiction between the 5th and the last line. Care to explain, Roisin?
Re: Lower than low by nicole081083	LintyWeenis 152.163.100.135	27-May-05/9:15 AM
Well, can't say I was ever a fan of the whole "let's right a song about Jesus" thing, but I guess I can't down you for that alone.
regarding some deleted poem...	LintyWeenis 152.163.100.135	27-May-05/9:21 AM
I dug the grammar choice. But that's just me. 8.
Re: yet another what if poem by shadows	LintyWeenis 152.163.100.135	27-May-05/10:03 AM
What if, indeed.
Re: Parrallelogram Perry Como by Crakyamuni	Crakyamuni 131.252.231.192	27-May-05/10:54 AM
It's Summer time love.