Re: Coffined by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.250	26-May-05/11:33 AM
You are obviously a stranger to the joys of necrophilia.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.164.242.151	26-May-05/11:36 AM
If you left off the last stanza. I think you overwork your pieces. You need less thought and more feeling.
Re: Im Scared by crystal4	crystal4 63.21.71.146	26-May-05/11:51 AM
thank you all for yor nice comments.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	26-May-05/12:58 PM
Trim this-> in the morning- you've already said it with -last night. Reword the horoor flick line for more ooomph it works with your shadows. The last stanza has all the material it needs. Groom it.
Re: Coffined by Dovina	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	26-May-05/1:10 PM
Sorry D, I was left in the dark on this one. But I do need to ask if maybe Rockmage compensates for my mostly over generous votes, thereby giving the 'ranker SOME balance?
Re: Welcome To Croatia by Caducus	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	26-May-05/1:19 PM
"Where'd you go, Psycho-boy?" "I felt like destroying something beautiful."
Re: Coffined by Dovina	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	26-May-05/2:33 PM
It's a poem about sloth, I think. But there's to much poet in it. Lose the voice, show the scene.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	26-May-05/3:41 PM
I gotta look up Calaveras now. The poem ? A fresh engine that starts the first try.
Re: Inspiration from absurdity by INTRANSIT	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/5:52 PM
<< For she'd shot him you see >> Well...suppose you got a Derringer's barrel poked in the eye and the trigger gets pulled and you scream: "I'm shot! I'm shot!", know what bystanders would say? "That's obvious, isn't it?" Perhaps the title should be 'The absurdity of the obvious'? But what I suspect is, I don't know what an E.M.T. is, so I'm probably missing the point. If so, forgive me.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/5:57 PM
Somehow the Dali-esque imagines do not gel with the saner stanzas. I have a feeling that this is quite good, but I'm not sure. I'm of no help at all, I guess?
Re: Coffined by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/6:10 PM
I wonder, is this really such a poem failure? It's intriguing and the language is quite rich. If this is about someone who is helping himself going down the drain, it's an original view. Although I get the impression that it is not the body that is 'abolished', but the brain. Damned those capitals again! Because do I read: 'I ask what good that body is, complete (and) abolished' or 'I ask what good that body is; complete (but) abolished'?
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	26-May-05/6:26 PM
You are not our very own balcony-boy. And you keep a Capybara for a pet. So there.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.185	26-May-05/6:48 PM
I think you'd do better using "we are" in the title, seeing little gain from the intentional mis-grammar. Same for the last line. It crosses lines of straight/gay fantasy and could even apply to women.
Re: Inspiration from absurdity by INTRANSIT	Dovina 69.175.32.185	26-May-05/6:53 PM
Commas mis-spaced, but otherwise a tough ride.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	26-May-05/7:34 PM
HEY! GOOBER! CHAT! NOW!
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.164.242.151	26-May-05/7:47 PM
Just another masterbation.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	26-May-05/8:00 PM
Sorry. I accidently deleted a comment by Dovina. You asked about the third line. Calaveras is the name for the sweet skulls the mexicans use at the day of the dead. They’re made of powder sugar, eggwhite, honey and vanilla. They’re painted with bright colors and a persons name is written on them. They’re meant to welcome the dead back in the homes of their loved ones. I hope this explains the image of the empty chairs.
Re: Inspiration from absurdity by INTRANSIT	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	26-May-05/8:23 PM
Just one more pipe and I'll get out of the zero drop zone. I'll rate this one some time hobbing on the Eyeball Massacre Train. Axial, that is.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dental Panic 84.31.86.195	26-May-05/8:32 PM
Maybe you'd better use the rose-fingered dawn and smell like a pinky.
Re: Inspiration from absurdity by INTRANSIT	sliver 172.198.81.177	26-May-05/8:45 PM
I think perhaps the coroner would be better suited to clean up this mess.