Re: MTV's The Real World: Allpoetry.com by Bluemonkey	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:17 PM
Ever the asshole...
Re: MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:20 PM
mmmph...
Re: Never Ending Cycle by ingwa	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:23 PM
Some interfsting images here, but Rockmage is right above: They don't hang together well.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:24 PM
Nice ending, but sorry to say, the rest is not....ummm great....
Re: Semite to Semite by PodPoet	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:26 PM
The indentations are not needed. Also for someone who wants to kill the cliche, there's a lot of it here...maybe that's the point.
Re: Watcher by windyone	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:31 PM
What's the point to all of this? Could've been a lot shorter saying: Sad Girl No Love Pain She's changed.
Re: Watcher by windyone	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	25-May-05/6:38 PM
Agree with Rockmage. But I also object to the treatment of the story. The pain, the pain. Could be the base for a poem that does not need the word 'pain'... << her lover can't, or won't love her >> Perhaps she's unbearable ugly? Frigid? He found out she wasn't the rich bitch he thought she was? You don't show anything. She, watching him leave the house with a stiff back, clenched fists, for instance. An empty stare. An upturned dinnerplate on the tabel. There are so many ways to visualize relational pain. The best lines are the last one and 'It's all the same to her', but they become statements that call for an explanation. They are too detached from what it is all about.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.164.242.151	25-May-05/6:45 PM
This is really just a very poor sort of remake of a religious text. I can be considered cute. It is not good.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	25-May-05/6:47 PM
Viewing this as a text for a rocksong? Was it written to music, and thus compromised, or was the music folded around the existing text? It has its moments, except for the first five lines; nonsense.
Re: honey bee by ThePariahDog	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/4:42 AM
'Mellifluent' sets off the rhythm of the poem, but right after that rhythm isn't maintained... I can't place the 'replaced' bit.
Re: Kiteflying by april fool	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/4:44 AM
This reads like a commercial rhyme from the 1950's...
Re: Star Studded Supermarket by [mojo]	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/4:49 AM
It's almost funny. You should have quit after stanza four. Rewrite this. In satirical proza.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.72	26-May-05/6:21 AM
Tempt eve with a better ace? Cheap. The end made my face go red.
Re: Star Studded Supermarket by [mojo]	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.72	26-May-05/6:30 AM
This is funny and worth the effort to iron out. My first thoughts are: lose stanza 10, the clouds. and go with the four line stanzas. Really! Do this ! Or else!
Re: MTV's The Real World: Allpoetry.com by Bluemonkey	Caducus 172.201.112.85	26-May-05/6:55 AM
i get it.
Re: Yesterdays testament by Caducus	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	26-May-05/7:55 AM
You read Plath? holy cow. I'd better give her a once over at least.
Re: Horatio by april fool	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.216	26-May-05/8:15 AM
In Los Angeles, Whore-ratio to Johns is an important factor in discerning the economic health of business around bridges and industrial parks. Right now the Horatio is in custody pending arraignment for solicitation of a police officer for an unnatural act (he asked LAPD to arrest a black guy without beating the shit out of him) I don't think Horatio will make it "virgin intactae" for his court date.
Re: Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Dovina 69.175.32.185	26-May-05/8:15 AM
You have 9 open and 8 closed. Remove the first open in the second line. If you'd used my method this would not have happened.
Re: Horatio by april fool	Dovina 69.175.32.185	26-May-05/8:30 AM
The third verse seems weak compared to the rest.
Re: Forbidden by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.185	26-May-05/8:33 AM
If you're using punctuation, why not in widow's?