Re: Captian, Doctor..Father by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	2-Jun-05/5:34 PM
I just saw your vehement reaction to a 'fucking whore', and it's not justified. The poem can be so much better if you would care to consider a reader's interest. There are too many writers who write and post a poem for their own benefit. They don't understand, or do not want to understand that the poem is read by a bunch of Total Strangers who don't give a fuck about the authors wonderful dad. If you want them to care, you'll have to get rid of egocentricism. Sorry Celtic, but that's the way it is.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.185	2-Jun-05/7:21 PM
A cute story with some funny prose. The title doesn't fit - dragons and backpack.
Re: Truckers should not be poets by INTRANSIT	Dovina 69.175.32.185	2-Jun-05/7:31 PM
Splitting the years into pieces to please, some time pleasing here, some there, splitting gears, split by peers. Think I'll stay home.
Re: Captian, Doctor..Father by celticskatermatt1	Dovina 69.175.32.185	2-Jun-05/7:33 PM
A little sappy, but alright, yep - all right.
Re: Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	3-Jun-05/6:10 AM
The first seemed like notes scribbled tiredly so thought wouldn't be lost. This is mucho bene. Romance, religion, politicos, bullets, the true nature of all that is. These are honest tens I give.
Re: Swoon by Dovina	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	3-Jun-05/6:30 AM
Ok, here are my nits. Dangling hands and outward thumbs may be too descriptive. Does he really take your Hands? Or does he use your upper arms. Your breasts feel connected or do you? Unique line of womanhood sounds like he's got women all over the globe to me. The reality dream ending loses me, but I might not be reading it at the right speed there. Keep in mind there may be references in this that I just don't understand. Facing east for starters. I don't get it but I'm sure you're facing that way for a reason. I still like this heaps.
Re: Swoon by Dovina	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	3-Jun-05/6:30 AM
And the title is too generic. This, from one of the Kings of genericism, ha!
Re: Soldier by kev_wannabe	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	3-Jun-05/6:35 AM
Yes, we know. And if the greater population all agreed to not show up for work until "our boys and girls" get sent home, well, the nation's gonna collapse either way.
Re: Structure of a Woman by al-naafiysh	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	3-Jun-05/6:38 AM
CUT! CUT! Hold it. There's too much unnecessary stuff here. If you want the end-rhyme then GET the end rhyme. But Iron out the lines. Take a T-sqare to them and listen to the beats. You've got plenty to work with. It's not bad. Just far from what it can be.
Re: Wanted by Dovina	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.197	3-Jun-05/7:35 AM
Done. and I found something while roaming the ranker halls. Let me get the address....
Re: Inspiration from absurdity by INTRANSIT	fevriere 62.254.128.7	3-Jun-05/7:40 AM
Funky.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.115	3-Jun-05/8:23 AM
There is poetry here but try workshopping it. A few rough spota especially lines 3 and 4 and I stumbled on 7. All in all, a good poem about the creative process. -8-
Re: Fair Warning by cockmage	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.232.115	3-Jun-05/8:36 AM
Bad limerick. How does picked rhyme with kid, Mockmage?
Re: Structure of a Woman by al-naafiysh	Dovina 69.175.32.185	3-Jun-05/10:34 AM
But I think you do have fancy architecture. It's sad that being built to love and understand, we're often hating and misunderstanding.
Re: Soldier by kev_wannabe	Dovina 69.175.32.185	3-Jun-05/10:44 AM
Trite.
Re: Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac	Dovina 69.175.32.185	3-Jun-05/1:32 PM
Why is she in the men's residencia? Is she a she? The scarf implies so. Why is hermano not Hermano? Is a hacienda a residencia? Not ordinarily. Why are housewives in a men's residencia? Why capital Heaven, but not church? How does she know tomorrow's headlines? Last line is good.
Re: Soldier by kev_wannabe	lil_evil_boi 70.68.76.244	3-Jun-05/8:56 PM
I find this dull. You can do betta.
Re: Snow by lil_evil_boi	kev_wannabe 24.69.255.205	3-Jun-05/10:00 PM
ok...u cant actually smell the sweetness of the snow....and if ur trying to be "imaganitive" then its obvious not working...u shuld read more poems...and poems doesnt have to rhyme ^^
Re: Soldier by kev_wannabe	some deleted user 24.69.255.205	3-Jun-05/10:12 PM
I think this poem is good^^ i lyk the way u gave them personalities
Re: Bunnies crazy inlove by kev_wannabe	some deleted user 24.69.255.205	3-Jun-05/10:12 PM
ooooo you make the bunnies soud like humans good...but i think it needs more creativity