submit this poem to sum online wedding site..they mite feature it in their journal..

Please consider making the following revisions: standing => squatting, basking => bisqueing, buttons => buttocks, Captain, Doctor... Father => Master, Doctor?... Father?

Not knowing language or culture, I'd say she knotted her scarf, but can't see what she makes of it all.

It starts out a good Penticost description, but the tongues of fire were there. And 5 weeks later, is that Verse 3?

this poem sucks balls but thanks for the rating u gave mine...u fucking whore...my poem was about my dad but i see that u dont even appretiat a simple poem out of tribute....

Too much was cut. the other only needed some adJUSTAMENTE. Um, I'll leave my piddle on the other one later . Gotta run, sorry.

I’m listening for the trigger sign. Nope, don’t hear it today, maybe tomorrow. Meanwhile, I’m displeased with “Iraq over two years.” I mean what if it were 1 or 20, the important thing is to say 2, not two – symmetry with 1700, or, er, 17,000. No stick with two and seventeen hundred, it’s prosaic that way, not that killer math.

very harsh...u shud b a rapper

If you'd just made a list, it would say as much, and as little.

nice discriptive poem.....enjoyed reading it

Script kiddies are today's ultimate brats. You would be surprised to know how many are over age. Like this one; an online coward and a failure in bed, as the words disclose. "...Ernie! You're not downloading bathing young boys again, do you? Now hurry, or we'll miss mass!" "Yes dear, I'm cummin', dear."

Zo I love this poem. I love the change of heart, I knew there was another side of you that was senitive

nice poem

well ritten...

funny coment there.....neways./..the poems..gud

I would prefer: 'of pink, mahogany and blue'; lubricates the reading. << Forlorn - a dark reality I fall... >> is a line that truly jars. If you really want to keep it (I guess you do) at least try to add two beats to the first line in this stanza to restore balance

<< Speeding . ..you cant stay sublime Wallow ..n u did urself a crime >> If this spelling is te represent modern art or new experimentalism, it's wasted on me.

Slightly better than the rest, but << …. >> is totally unnecessary.

Yes, If this is a corrective or alternative of 'Swoon', I miss the man behind you. Here he seems to have become no different from the City Hall and that's a pity. I guess stanza 3 is the best part.

Too much dry facts, that can't have been your intention. But for that reason the cynism at the end turns out weak.