| Re: Twilight of the Mind by Liam Wallace |
Liam Wallace 98.183.135.58 |
23-Nov-08/5:24 AM |
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Composed in a shelter along the Appalachian Trail while making a 5 day hike. I was tired and had the shelter to myself, so sat there and over a course of two hours watched the day turn to night and thought on many things. I am a very lucky man.
Liam
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 75.82.253.189 |
23-Nov-08/5:28 PM |
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Nice flow, far cry from the nuke days
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| Re: Marrakech Watercolours by Caducus |
hobojo 24.143.147.163 |
1-Dec-08/6:00 PM |
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| Re: The Hundredth End by versus_u |
Lifeboatman 216.150.191.2 |
4-Dec-08/3:14 PM |
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I imagine this being written more than six years ago, and it is... how much you were of a grown up then in your own universe, and how you are still growing in this... been a while, dear.... hope you are fine.
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| Re: travel down, stop sign by skaskowski |
SupremeDreamer 75.30.224.6 |
14-Dec-08/11:03 PM |
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Seems like the ending needs fine tuning.. or perhaps I'm just itching at ghosts.
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| Re: Watching December's Wind by dclark |
SupremeDreamer 75.30.224.6 |
14-Dec-08/11:06 PM |
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Grasping at straw in the wind. It wasn't that quaint.
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| Re: Waking by Sasha |
SupremeDreamer 75.30.224.6 |
14-Dec-08/11:09 PM |
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I say scrap this as a sonnet and slash s1 and let s2 stand alone. Just my opinion.
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| Re: 2012 by winniss |
SupremeDreamer 75.30.224.6 |
14-Dec-08/11:13 PM |
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... No, no. You're not doing it right. Ever hear of haiku? Fuck, I'll do it for you.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/12:44 AM |
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I dig the imagery... but the meaning/point eludes me. -shrug- Mayhaps the liquor hath clouded my vision?
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| Re: Daydream Delusions by hobojo |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/12:49 AM |
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The ghosts of our dreams grip us with the fingers of eternity... they are our real addiction- that which we see yet can not attain.
Do not allow the misery or intoxication to warp thy craft with pimple-like amateurism. Seek to use these aspects of your mental enviroment to focus and sharpen the blade utilized in the execution.
No Vote.
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| Re: Realizations by hobojo |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/2:09 AM |
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Life sucks the soul right out of a ripe tit don't it?
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| Re: Surreptitious merchandise and company held here by A. Nomaly |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/2:12 AM |
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The ending seems purposely designed to confuse. That or you were seized by an epileptic episode.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/2:15 AM |
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Damn it man, write with the pen and stop jabbing at the paper.
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| Re: Always by hobojo |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/6:36 AM |
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The use of the word like in the manner you've employed it above? Don't. Saying "will forever last" in a vain attempt to avoid saying the tired "will last forever"?
Don't. Repetetive redundancy? Eliminate it. If it's constant, then there's no need to say it'll last forever.
Do not ever cheapen what you are trying to express in such ways. You need to reconsider the way you go about constructing your poems. Become thy editor motherfucker!
Consider this:
You are the
eternal sundown
setting,
the distant rain
pouring down,
an ocean wave
receding-- lingering
in the distance just
beyond my grasp.
You are the ever-present
reminder of pleasant memories;
maintaining the sadness,
making me yearn for the past.
Yesterday has long since passed,
but you're still here,
always.
--That's just a quickie example. Notice the difference?- Clear, fluid, with a crisp finish.
It's not what you're saying, it's how you say it. Capiche? Find thy style and, by god, develop it.
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| Re: when light cannot see your face by daggatolar |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/6:44 AM |
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Apparently you also can not write either. Stop grasping for the appearance of profoundness. You haven't gripped upon anything but the air and your own literary flatulence.
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| Re: Marrakech Watercolours by Caducus |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/6:47 AM |
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It's got soul. More soul than I posses.
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| Re: A Way With Words by LARoundtree |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/6:57 AM |
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Take your hallmark style cliche and that didactic expression of a lambs vacuous ethic and go back to your "happy place". Stay there and don't sully the taste of those who sustain themselves on a diet of meat & cold glasses of reality. If you don't? You'll be the next chop that I devour in an act of savagery.
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| Re: Dancing with the Devil by Liam Wallace |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/7:01 AM |
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Don't question the meaning of the dance. Dance and let the meaning express itself.
You get a three only because I like the title and you display a wee-bit of cleverness.
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| Re: Broken Heart by Luul A |
DreamerSupreme 75.18.164.147 |
15-Dec-08/7:03 AM |
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Oh god, what a wet blanket dripping bedpee all-over the fucking place. What the fuck is wrong with you?
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| Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac |
Dovina 75.82.253.189 |
16-Dec-08/5:15 PM |
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