Re: as you are by Adriaan	drnick 24.176.22.254	6-Feb-06/11:45 PM
That's very nice, I like it!
Re: Anonymous Love by Angelicasassy	drnick 24.176.22.254	7-Feb-06/12:14 AM
Story of my fucking life.
Re: Blackbirds III by jmalone	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Feb-06/2:57 AM
Lines 13, 14, 15, 16 aren't as good as the rest of it - they're very ordinary whereas the rest is nicely eloquent. I loved the first 4 lines. Excellent rhythm and the rhyme holds up pretty well.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Feb-06/3:01 AM
'Existential'. I don't get as much from this as I usually do from your poetry, still well-written...but you often do better.
Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Feb-06/3:05 AM
Very good, not original but done much better than most. The only suggestion I have is to change 'started' (line 8) to 'begun'...it's easier to read, other than that - excellent!
Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	Caducus 172.189.69.172	7-Feb-06/8:24 AM
Changed line 3 to davy lamp as it makes a wheezing sound when lit and is used for mining. I think its better than heroes sword.
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 172.189.69.172	7-Feb-06/8:25 AM
Fuck a duck this so favourited.
Re: Sonnet by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	7-Feb-06/10:58 AM
Reminds me of Ginsberg's supermarket minus the poet comparisons.
Re: Sonnet by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	7-Feb-06/11:33 AM
bazaar, urchin, clavicle, deadwood, bull's-eye, hobnailed, obsequious, argyle, newsprint, sunstruck, klar(I have no idea what that means), and buoy. Didn't Ginsberg used to do things like that, like cutting out newspaper articles for inspiration?
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	7-Feb-06/11:44 AM
Welcome back! I like the beginning a lot--you get right to it. Good details too. Maybe consider dropping one of the "more out of spite than shame" (I don't know that it needs repeating) and the "gone but not forgotten," which may be too familiar a phrase? The countdown at the end is a nice touch.
Re: The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Feb-06/11:52 AM
Imago and Poe must be a couple of your favorites.
Re: Faith on a cross by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Feb-06/12:09 PM
I like the Judas tree reference. The name derives from the tradition that Judas Iscariot hanged himself from this tree, and when it's in bloom, it blushes with shame every year.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 67.72.98.99	7-Feb-06/6:10 PM
Confessions done more out of spite than shame is really apt, and using it again with pain is all right too. I could do without the enumeration list at the end. Good work.
Re: Send The Devil... by horus8	baphomet 204.126.64.254	7-Feb-06/7:03 PM
i read the long poem of how mom trys to ruin u on poem ranker, what is that. Is it true? i hope not that would be mal. i lo v loved you cause you were my teacher and i the squire. this sucks i hope your a liar. i came out the hospital, a couple months ago in hawaii now im in california again. i od on ice, now i just live life in a criogenic dream im sorry but please tell me the truth of the matter when me and mom lived there. i missed you, i want to miss you again.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 71.103.98.44	7-Feb-06/7:15 PM
Very Raymond Chandler. 'The bartender,......, is talking up'... You really need those commas there. she licks her lips, explores the green oval with her tongue before slipping it into her mouth. the word 'doppler' conjures 'weather-guy' pretty well by it's self. I think it might be better to use a meteorologists actual name. After 'I already know...' at the end, the following line just kind of lies there. What did you win?
Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	richa 81.178.221.104	8-Feb-06/3:14 AM
Very good. Anvil eyed needs a hyphen or the anvil is doing the eying. Davy lamp doesn't need quotation marks, and is a much more relevant and precise image than hero's sword. The details give it pathos and I think it benefits from not being overloaded with adjectives.
Re: My Father’s World by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	8-Feb-06/7:55 PM
Am I the first for this? It very good. You have some good stuff in you.
Re: Lonely Road by drnick	drnick 24.176.22.254	8-Feb-06/9:01 PM
boy, i sure do wish someone would bestow their intelligent advice upon me as to how i could improve this poem...
Re: My Father’s World by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	9-Feb-06/6:02 AM
Not quite sure about the capital F in the first "Fire". If "More than you can shake a stick at" was something he said alot (which is just my hunch) then put it in quotations please. I thought it was a great sentiment and quite deep. Well expressed D.
Re: The Acorn Daisies by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/6:21 AM
The rhyme in the middle is good but it makes that section sweep by much faster than the rest; if I were you I'd keep a constant speed with this piece as it isn't particularly long. Other than that, very good!