Re: a waste of time by hendrimike	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.50	25-Feb-06/3:32 AM
More of what's already been written, plus my personnal beef against the laziness. If you want an education I would start with punctuation, its very usefuly and makes a reader less likely to feel insulted.
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.50	25-Feb-06/3:36 AM
As I have said in reply to other poems, you need to remember that you are not the first, or even the one thousand and first person to write about craving and addiction, so while people easily empathise with what you are saying, the way you say needs to be special, and to be honest this is not very special language, but I have seen worse.
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.50	25-Feb-06/3:39 AM
Two 'things' in two lines is not beautiful language, ask yourself what meaning the word 'thing' actually adds to the poem.
Re: Rambling by terbenaw	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.50	25-Feb-06/3:44 AM
There are many sentences/lines here that could easikly be better for example why I feel not bold right now; and not I don't feel bold right now; which is grammatically more correct and flows better. Still it was not a bad read.
Re: last night was like the last one by hendrimike	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.50	25-Feb-06/3:47 AM
The first stanza made so little sense it put me off reading the rest of the poem, also, why the lack of punctuation, it just seems plain lazy to me.
Re: Spruce Bruce the Barnacle Goose Learns About Moulting by Blue Magpie	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Feb-06/4:46 AM
Yes, amusing in its own way. Stanza 4 line 2 doesn't make sense - I think you want to change it to something like 'Do you want folk to think you're a dunce?' There are a couple of other typos in here, but I'd be pretty pedantic to go through listing them. Enjoyable.
Re: Gaia and Man by Blue Magpie	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	25-Feb-06/6:42 AM
No matter how beautiful your writing is (and this is some of the best formal verse I've read) if you write something this long you need to change things up a little, break the monotony. I would break up the man's speach into parts and between the parts a stanza of descriptive narrative like he then paused to go take a nap or something. Break it off into lessons(lesson 1, lesson 2 etc.). At least that way if the reader wanted to take a break they could leave when the man goes to take his nap and come back feeling like they don't have to go back over the last couple stanzas to find their place. The same way a story should have different scenes, the same way a good writer might stop part way through a long scene to go to another one and then holding your suspense conclude the former scene, that's how you should hold the reader to your poem. I think it's probably one of the hardest things to do in poetry but I think it'll be easier for someone as talented as you than it would be for most of us.
Re: Goodbye by aamir_trichy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	25-Feb-06/6:52 AM
This was done in only an hour?!! Tremendous.
Re: Gaia and Man by Blue Magpie	zodiac 216.67.6.17	25-Feb-06/12:02 PM
Whatever your poetic inspiration was, it's never a good idea to write a poem with 7 lines in a row using the same rhyme. You can be as clever as you want, and odds are it's still going to sound bad. And I agree with ecargo, your points are a little overstated. It's nice that you made many of them part of a dialogue, but, to me, it doesn't work. Some tightening, shortening, and ambiguity seem in order. Also, (a minor thing,) the anthology-style line-numbering bothers me.
Re: You by terbenaw	terbenaw 71.138.184.201	25-Feb-06/1:29 PM
Any opinions on the change from Its phosphorescent brightness Illuminating my being to Its incandescent illumination Invigorating my being?
Re: Harp Song of the Prawne Men by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Feb-06/1:36 PM
Far and away your finest offering for a long while! I myself pray that I never have to choose between life and prawne. And I pray to Jesu that the same applies to you.
Re: Harp Song of the Prawne Men by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Dovina 69.175.32.104	25-Feb-06/1:51 PM
What was his name? You must have loved him very much.
Re: Hailing Miriam by Ranger	terbenaw 71.138.184.201	25-Feb-06/1:53 PM
I happen to enjoy this poem as is. Great flowing rhythm, excellent imagery. I do, however, agree with the others who have stated that replacing Lorelei with someone readers can relate to either Mary or the location of the poem. Excellent work though.
Re: Harp Song of the Prawne Men by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	25-Feb-06/3:51 PM
Ya know, I ask myself that question every day.
Re: My Shattered Love by Silverjackel	Alizarin_Crimson 71.131.178.191	25-Feb-06/11:07 PM
The proper spelling would be "Voraciously"
Re: Relativity by Bobjim	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.35	26-Feb-06/12:02 AM
OK
Re: Today's Spam by nentwined	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.35	26-Feb-06/12:38 AM
A good list but you missed a few, like the various "Any Meds You Need" "Get a Credit Card Whatever" "Consolidate Your Debts" "Re cvmthwifdj" and these last might be because my mail account is through my own domain name "Your Account is Suspended For Security Reasons" "Account Near to Being Closed"
Re: My Shattered Love by Silverjackel	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.35	26-Feb-06/12:40 AM
Its so nice to see love transcending the darkness and shining in the wilderness of our lives.
Re: Moonlit Glare by Silverjackel	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.35	26-Feb-06/12:45 AM
Nice
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.35	26-Feb-06/12:47 AM
Not so Nice