Free verse № 139573
Goodbye
Dont cry,
Dont shed tears, Arent they precious?
Dont break heart,
Dont be pained, Let the pain be mine.
Dont worry,
Dont be afraid, I will be fine.
Dont remember me,
Dont be burdened with past,Be strong for the times to come.
Dont stop dreaming,
Dont loose the thought, Its where you should rejoice.
Dont Run from you,
Dont Turn back, Face the mirror and see that you stand straiht.
Dont know where I will be,
Dont know the road, Its a long way I need to go.
Dont weaken me,
Dont be hurt, Your happiness will carry me along.
5 comments
Okay, grammar first - "Don't". Also, line 2 'aren't'. Line 3 - I assume you mean 'hearts'. Line 10 'lose' and 'It's'. Line 12 'straight'. As well as that, don't capitalise after commas (unless of course it's 'I' etc.) You might think this is unnecessary nitpicking, but believe me when I say that a well-written and grammatically correct piece is far more enjoyable to read. Even running a poem through the spellcheck on Word will pick up some errors.
Okay, on general points: this is a nice enough piece, pleasant enough - but it doesn't give a huge amount to the reader. It's difficult to write a consolatory poem that will affect the reader, particularly if the reader doesn't need consoling. That doesn't mean you shouldn't write like this, but keep practising until you can really elicit emotion. Most of the people here will be more than willing to give you advice on your writing - provided you reciprocate (even if it's just to say that you liked their poems).
My recommendation is that you practise imagery - descriptive writing, and finding original ways of describing certain things. It will open your imagination more, particularly when you start incorporating metaphor into your poems.
Keep going, good luck with your writing.
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