I laughed and related - a good read.

Very nicely paced...fast, then slow. I'm not sure about 'hmm...', it makes you sound a little unsure.

Stanza 2...awesome. Just awesome. 'Flat rewards that shimmer like false water' is absolutely fantastic! 'Scorpion comfort' is equally as good. Stanza 1 repulsed me. In a good way, that is.

How do you bring her her hidden lusts. She already has them. Maybe you mean that you reveal them. The last verse is good. The first verse and the chorus have potential, but need work.

Feckin' emo. :(

There is real potential in the first stanza and the first line of the second, but you seem to through it away after that.

Not bad at all, although it could do with a little more punctuation - 'agonized faces many I have seen' needs to be something like '...faces - many I have seen'. And so on. I wasn't sure about the penultimate line but I do like the final line being the first line repeated.

I love 'virtuoso sluggish grater', a drunk trying to say 'guitar', always amusing. This is very good indeed!

Surely you've heard the saying "prick up your ears" which is meant to be misheard as "prick up your rears"?

Dovina, this reminds me of a song... "We are going, heaven knows where we are going We know we are. We will get there Heaven knowsthat we will get there We know we will" Reading your verse made this song pop up in my head. By the way, ]where are you going to.... and chocolates are not good for you... think of all the calories and high fat content..... not a good idea. Take my advice, don't go there.

"Frankly _ I don't give a damn."

Yes, a Tennessee evening, tobacco tall, corn in from the field, all is well.

"open fire, open up" ?

Dovina, you'd better translate this stuff or might be tempted to vote a -0- or a -1-. By the way how's life treating you. I can see you've gone bonkers from what you've written. Looks good though, if only I could decipher it. you should have made it more like morse code. would have been more interesting .

Sings a slight depressing note. It's pretty good though! Lovely choice of words.

Persephone was the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, abducted by Hades (Pluto) to be his wife in the lower world: identified with the Roman Proserpina. How is she goddess of the harvest? Otherwise, I like this.

It was really good. Nice job.

I quite liked this, although I admit that I skimmed over the repeated verses. The subject was dealt with quite well - I'd be interested to see what you could do by rewriting this, but not in first-person. The final message is good, but I read this with the constant longing for a bit more detail, a bit more description. Still, good stuff.

Heh. I knew this was gonna be good once I read the first line. :-) I thought the contrast between the surging, wild second stanza and the sudden lull in the third was great; I love your imagery.

Something caught in the back of my throat.