| Re: Wet Paint (A Blond Point of View) by Miggy |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
3-Mar-06/1:08 PM |
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How do you bring her her hidden lusts. She already has them. Maybe you mean that you reveal them.
The last verse is good. The first verse and the chorus have potential, but need work.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.217.160 |
3-Mar-06/1:22 PM |
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| Re: tic toc by skaskowski |
Blue Magpie 212.205.251.2 |
4-Mar-06/4:27 AM |
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There is real potential in the first stanza and the first line of the second, but you seem to through it away after that.
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| Re: tomorrow is another day by hendrimike |
ALChemy 24.74.100.11 |
4-Mar-06/9:30 AM |
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"Frankly _ I don't give a damn."
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| Re: Lick up your ears by Dental Panic |
ALChemy 24.74.100.11 |
4-Mar-06/9:37 AM |
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Surely you've heard the saying "prick up your ears" which is meant to be misheard as "prick up your rears"?
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| Re: Lick up your ears by Dental Panic |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
4-Mar-06/9:51 AM |
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I laughed and related - a good read.
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| Re: happy, but cautious by hendrimike |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
4-Mar-06/9:56 AM |
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Yes, a Tennessee evening, tobacco tall, corn in from the field, all is well.
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| Re: girls get your guns by FreeFormFixation |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
4-Mar-06/9:59 AM |
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| Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
4-Mar-06/10:55 AM |
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Dovina, you'd better translate this stuff or might be tempted to vote a -0- or a -1-. By the way how's life treating you. I can see you've gone bonkers from what you've written. Looks good though, if only I could decipher it. you should have made it more like morse code. would have been more interesting .
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| Re: There by Dovina |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
4-Mar-06/11:07 AM |
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Dovina, this reminds me of a song...
"We are going,
heaven knows where we are going
We know we are.
We will get there
Heaven knowsthat we will get there
We know we will"
Reading your verse made this song pop up in my head.
By the way, ]where are you going to.... and chocolates are not good for you... think of all the calories and high fat content..... not a good idea. Take my advice, don't go there.
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| Re: At Last in the Garden by ecargo |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
4-Mar-06/11:14 AM |
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Sings a slight depressing note. It's pretty good though! Lovely choice of words.
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| Re: goddess of the harvest by calliope |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
4-Mar-06/4:27 PM |
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Persephone was the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, abducted by Hades (Pluto) to be his wife in the lower world: identified with the Roman Proserpina. How is she goddess of the harvest? Otherwise, I like this.
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| Re: tomorrow is another day by hendrimike |
xXxDemonicAngelxXx 205.188.117.10 |
5-Mar-06/8:52 AM |
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It was really good. Nice job.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
5-Mar-06/10:10 AM |
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Very nicely paced...fast, then slow. I'm not sure about 'hmm...', it makes you sound a little unsure.
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| Re: At Last in the Garden by ecargo |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
5-Mar-06/10:14 AM |
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Stanza 2...awesome. Just awesome. 'Flat rewards that shimmer like false water' is absolutely fantastic! 'Scorpion comfort' is equally as good.
Stanza 1 repulsed me. In a good way, that is.
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| Re: The Final Night by xXxDemonicAngelxXx |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
5-Mar-06/10:19 AM |
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I quite liked this, although I admit that I skimmed over the repeated verses. The subject was dealt with quite well - I'd be interested to see what you could do by rewriting this, but not in first-person. The final message is good, but I read this with the constant longing for a bit more detail, a bit more description.
Still, good stuff.
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| Re: A HANGMAN'S MOANING by Dhanesh M Kumar |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
5-Mar-06/10:22 AM |
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Not bad at all, although it could do with a little more punctuation - 'agonized faces many I have seen' needs to be something like '...faces - many I have seen'. And so on. I wasn't sure about the penultimate line but I do like the final line being the first line repeated.
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| Re: Lick up your ears by Dental Panic |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
5-Mar-06/10:25 AM |
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I love 'virtuoso sluggish grater', a drunk trying to say 'guitar', always amusing.
This is very good indeed!
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| Re: At Last in the Garden by ecargo |
Niphredil 192.117.117.50 |
5-Mar-06/10:30 AM |
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Heh. I knew this was gonna be good once I read the first line. :-)
I thought the contrast between the surging, wild second stanza and the sudden lull in the third was great; I love your imagery.
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| Re: Sarah's Song by wilco |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
5-Mar-06/11:01 AM |
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Something caught in the back of my throat.
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