Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:15 PM
I completely missed the deafness in here, i was thinking of people being deliberately quiet so as not to disturb someone who they think is asleep (maybe terminal in a hospital). It's a good poem without the explanation, but it's a super poem with it.
Re: Old Friend by drnick	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Mar-06/12:22 PM
Hmmm, not bad. It's got a sing song feel to it. And you've put it as free verse. OOps sorry. Looks like ecargo out did me in my comment. This is a common theme, but when well written, it's worth a read, and you've brought out something in it. Good work.
Re: Time Thief by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/12:24 PM
Your a southern girl so procrastination is in your blood. I have no excuse for why I procrastinate. If only I were a pothead.
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Mar-06/12:27 PM
Wow! An enjoyable read!
Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/12:30 PM
This is nice but the use of "cat feet" constantly reminds me of the Carl Sandburg poem "Fog" Fog The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on.
Re: Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy) by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:32 PM
This is top stuff, although I had to read it twice. I could tell it was a upbeat poem, but it could very easily have the complete opposite meaning (relating in particular to a friend of mine, otherwise I probably wouldn't have seen a darker side to it) and I thought it a shame to give such a negative reading to a great piece like this =D
Re: Old Friend by drnick	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:41 PM
Cool stuff, I thought the first line of stanza 2 was a bit unoriginal and didn't quite fit with the rest of that stanza. I like the rhyme scheme and the quick rhythm of it. 'My mind cannot fathom even in post-graduate fashion' is a smart line. I actually think the last stanza might just about hold up...but ecargo is right that it doesn't sound right when read.
Re: Kristi's Quiescence by matt door	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:45 PM
'Her saddest smile...' got me going, I feel there's more waiting to be said from there. However, I also think it would spoil the swift beauty of this one. I really like the brevity of it, although I'm not convinced by the first two lines. Still a very pleasant read.
Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Mar-06/12:46 PM
drnick and ecargo.... I hope you find this a good change. Enjoy!
Re: The Beautiful Lover by Caducus	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Mar-06/12:48 PM
Cool!
Re: A Melody by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:50 PM
Smoothly done, violent like a game. The imagery is very strong (as with most of your stuff, come to think of it!)
Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:53 PM
Beautiful, one too many 'loves' though, maybe replace the second one with something else. Other than that, I'm not going to complain about something as sweet as this.
Re: Time Thief by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Mar-06/12:55 PM
I think I liked your 'fishy' poem better. This seems a bit disconnected on the whole and I wasn't really impressed compared to quite a few writes of yours. Probably you aught ot edit it , although I don't know exactly how. I'm still not clear on what you had in mind while writing this.
Re: Quiet Hands by Sunny	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/1:00 PM
Niphredil got it spot on by suggesting you don't repeat words (not so soon, anyway). I also found it interesting that the first stanza could be put directly in front of the last, and with the addition of a little punctuation it would work nicely. I'd love to see if you could apply this to the whole poem; work it so that any stanza could lead straight into any other. I found the line breaks a little disruptive, but that could easily just be my way of reading it.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/1:07 PM
MacFrantic's right - you're a superb poet. If only you'd give your thoughts about the rest of our poetry!
Re: Old Friend by drnick	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/1:21 PM
I like this alot but the last line seems like it's just a filler. Everything else is so personal and sincere that the last line with it's cliche`ness comes across like a Halmark card. Maybe something like "Is as surely as your distance grows".
Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	30-Mar-06/1:32 PM
I wonder, if I was to change the first line to a stanza: "They tell me that I can't hear anymore. And I think, how silly; Can't they see that, lately, Everyone has grown cat feet."
Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	30-Mar-06/1:35 PM
I would only change "You make my day" to something a little more original. Otherwise, it's happy and very sweet. I'm glad you're experimenting with different types of poetry!
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	zodiac 209.193.18.128	30-Mar-06/1:38 PM
Blake.
Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 209.193.18.128	30-Mar-06/1:39 PM
This is sweet. I would delete the word "me" almost every time it appears, though.