Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	Niphredil 132.69.238.35	5-Jul-06/10:47 AM
At the beginning I thought this was a gibberish poem with a Welsh twist, à la Lewis Carroll. However, I enjoyed it even without the translation, since it gave me the freedom to interpret the lines as I wished. Your imagery is most beautiful. At times, I really felt the lack of rhyming verses, precisely because of the careful meter and rhyming refrain (although I'm sure you meant it this way). On the whole, a lovely read.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	Niphredil 132.69.238.35	5-Jul-06/10:54 AM
I hate to party poop, but the truth is that the happy little yellow bird doesn't know how to forage for food or where to sleep when it rains, and would probably end up being rejected by the flock, dripping and sad on a wet slippery branch, and have a pretty rough time of it altogether. ~ Niph, erstwhile misanthrope.
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	ecargo 63.22.13.175	5-Jul-06/11:57 AM
Gorgeous in detail and language. You very obviously know your craft and art. Your punctuation is off sometimes, confusing: colons not serving as colons; semis that might as well be commas or not needed at all. Small nits (but even small things can throw off meaning and rhythm; can push the reader back up to the surface, out of the poem). But this is so lovely, I'd hate to nitpick at it. A couple of questions though: Is it the dawn shrieking in your second stanza? It's not quite clear. And this: "To stretch above and reach to wry brook-beds, is watching close: a man’s step (the bats squeal evening and night: always the flapping wings)." The watching close is the stretching and reading? And also a man's step? A little oblique, the meaning. I love the mix of ancient and modern. I don't find it jarring at all, the way you've done it here. The short version of all of this: I think it's terrific. Beautifully done.
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	ecargo 63.22.13.175	5-Jul-06/12:02 PM
Also lovely (as is your other poem, I mean)--the Welsh words add a music to an already lyrical poems. The repeating verse is very strong. You have a gift for detail; a way of making the mundane details of life magical (as poetry should, I think). Consider me a fan! ;) You list this as "Other"--is it a particular form?
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	ecargo 63.22.13.175	5-Jul-06/12:11 PM
I like the imagery and the way you've told this, Ranger. Some word/imagery choices leave me a little confused though (and it may be that I'm misreading it). Are the "oxen" tanks? And if so, since the field is dead, the choice of "ploughing" and other words that speak of farming--of planting a seed that will grow and flourish and nurture--seems contradictory (the field being dead and all). If you're equating it to the sowing of dragon's teeth (a la Jason) or sowing fields with salt in warfare, I'm not getting that in what's given. "Whittling" seems an odd word choice, though the emptiness--of the shell, the hollowness of a ring--works really nicely. I like the ocean imagery and the last verse is a winner (though I'd tweak it a little, if it were mine--little things: stopping after "purchase" (though you'd have to punctuate throughout then) and dropping "While" and just saying "On the ground lies . . ."). Blah blah blah aside, I like it a lot.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	ecargo 63.22.64.23	5-Jul-06/12:30 PM
Sammy, my sister's conure, screams defiance at all the birds he hears outside. Not a romantic, like your bird in this. This has a really nice storybook quality to it. The rhymes are simple and you have nice variation (near rhymes sometimes, instead of slavishly sticking with dead-on rhyming) that prevents it from coming off as stilted. A very pretty tale in the nicest of ways.
Re: O say, can you see? by Dovina	ecargo 63.22.64.23	5-Jul-06/12:38 PM
I do like this--its cadence and movement--but it's vague and I'm not sure what it's about, really (except in the broadest of ways). Not that everything has to be spelled out (I prefer obliqueness to obviousness), but some carefully chosen specifics might provide a guidepost. Also, the opposite of tyranny isn't necessarily rampant disorder--order is possible, I think (hope!) without opression. Anyway, as usual, you aim for the bigger issues and what works, works well. Hope you had a happy Fourth.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 209.23.202.76	5-Jul-06/2:55 PM
Eventually couples can no longer function as seperate personalities. You begin to forget where you start and she ends like mental Siamese twins. It's natural to resist surrendering your individuality but the oldest couples tend to be the ones that succumb to this duel osmosis and just accept that there is no longer any "me" only "us".
Re: What? (Wot?) by ecargo	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:34 PM
I have no idea what you're talking about, but it sounds good.
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:39 PM
The translating was a bit annoying. I suppose it wouldn't be if I were Welsh...of course, then the English might be annoying...basically I think that you's have to be bilingual in that aspect to enjoy it completely. My personal preference is that you use one or the other...but I'm just one man. You've got some really nice imagery here and it's enjoyable as it is.
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:42 PM
The indentions are a little annoying, but not too bad. The poem itself is ace for the imagery and language. Subject matter is not really my cup of whiskey but I still like it just the same.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:48 PM
I feel where you're coming from here and it's actually not a bad poem. THere are some good lines S: 3 L: 3,4. However, there's just not much in the way of orinality...nothing I haven't read before...and on this very site, no less. I liked it, but I'm going to deduct points for that.
Re: The Angle of your Downfall by MacFrantic	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:51 PM
Um..curiouser and curiouser? I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you're trying to be cute there. THe lack of punctuation is bothersome as well. I dig the rest.
Re: Hugo by little_angel_maria	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/6:57 PM
Can't really say anythnig that hasn't already been said in other comments. Don't want to be unoriginal with my commments, now do I? Basically, this just reads like a letter you's pass to someone in High School. That's not really something that the average Poemeranker user wants to read (unless it's directed at them). So, that being said, just try to work on setting yourself apart.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/7:00 PM
You give me a poetry boner.
Re: sayndewicches by FreeFormFixation	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/7:03 PM
These poems with no punctuation are starting to kick me in my ass. Good one, though.
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/7:08 PM
ace
Re: O say, can you see? by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/7:16 PM
Nice job there, D. I think you should take the "pop that cracker" line and turn it into a rap song.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Jul-06/7:29 PM
yeah, that sounds about right.
Re: Astronomy and Pharmaceuticals by wilco	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.184	5-Jul-06/7:34 PM
Hey, wilco.... cool. When I read the title in the 'recent list', I was wondering what you'd sing about in astronomy and pharm... Sounds nostalgic to me, but good.