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Hugo (Free verse) by little_angel_maria Since the day I met you I fell in love with you,
I fell in love with you for eternity will it be pure loyalty?
Though i will never deny that I love you,
nothing is more important than your love,
and only god will know what i feel for you and that if i die and its in
your arms i will die happy,
because I can say that I loved and I got to know what was real love,
i wish i could marry you and that you were my husband,
love you like i have never loved anyone before,
God knows that I love you Hugo,but now it doesn't matter you dont have
to tell me that you love me or that you won't leave me again,
all i know is that i have to go,
Im not good for you,
and my tears must run free,
I have to get away,
my life is not worth it, you even know for yourself what's going to
happen next,
It hurts, because it does the bleeding from the wounds in my heart that
life has caused wont stop.
I dont even think of me anymore all I care about is you and your
happiness and I love you is all I can say,
I love you, love you, love you,
How can you tell me to think of two good memories of us when I can come
up with a million,
where is our love going?
what is happening?
I go through my mind thinking of times that I had a great time with you
as Istart to close my eyes not one but a million of memories run by,
like the time we danced in the park with no music at all just the music
of the love we feel, everyone stared and we couldn't even feel they're
stares because to us it was just us,but memories I can have for all my
life i have to let you go let you fly away it's the only way in which I
can help you.
Up the ladder:
A Word to the Servant
Down the ladder:
Meditation on the Future
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: July 3, 2006 11:12 PM PDT; Last modified: July 3, 2006 11:12 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.7615943 Overall Rank: 11670 Comments:
[n/a]
little_angel_maria @ 201.201.28.2
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3-Jul-06/11:13 PM
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Reply
hi people i just wanna say im back ill be posting my new poems of the last 4 years jaja bye
This is more of a letter (epistle) than a free verse poem, in my opinion - I wonder if nentwined might consider adding that as a category.
If I'm brutally honest, this won't score very highly among many writers here. That's not meant as an insult and I don't want you to be offended by it. It's just that everything contained in here has been written countless times before. Love poetry now has got to the stage where you have to be original - even if it's just one brilliant, inspired line or passage around which the whole poem's built. As it stands this is a collection of cliches. For example, 'bleeding from the wounds in my heart' is just about the ultimate overused phrase in the world of teen poetry. I guess you could argue that it's how you really do feel. But then...don't you think that everyone else feels that way at some stage? And so if everyone wrote a poem describing the same thing, wouldn't love poetry get very boring very quickly? Be inventive. Read lots of poetry on here, note all the recurring images/phrases, and never, ever use them. The dancing in the park passage here is good - write about that. Write about dancing to no music whatsoever. Use 'love' no more than once in the poem though. "Show, don't tell" is very appropriate for that. Just telling us that you love someone makes us as readers feel nothing. Okay, so I've done a bit of critiquing. What I like about this poem is that the language is kept simple (something with which I struggle in my poetry) and, unlike 99% of poems like this, the grammar is pretty accurate and you've managed to capitalise 'I', which a hell of a lot of people don't do, and it annoys me ;-) Well, that's it for now. Hope this was of some use. Peace.
Hello Maria,
As you can see, i am not the only one with the opinion I am about to share withyou. Ranger has the same views. Personally I ain't too impressed with your presentation and feel that you have to be original with this age-old topic Love. You've mentioned the word love toomany times and this also takes away the essence of the theme. I would rather you shorten your lines and fit it into beautifully presented verses (rhyming or free verses) with the same idea and theme you have in mind. Sorry to disappoint but I think I have to be frank in my opinion.
ok thank you for your critics that way you learn than you :)
ok thank you for your critics that way you learn thank you :)
Can't really say anythnig that hasn't already been said in other comments. Don't want to be unoriginal with my commments, now do I? Basically, this just reads like a letter you's pass to someone in High School. That's not really something that the average Poemeranker user wants to read (unless it's directed at them). So, that being said, just try to work on setting yourself apart.
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