horus8
on the way things are goin' by irishfolksuicide
2 Oct 2003, 8:03 AM
Skill.
a kettle with a pole sticking out?
Wow, that has fantastic imagery!
Heard the story many times before.
'The one who once would have died for me now
Dies before me...'
stood out, a nice play on words which is more than you get from most poems.
Should be neapolitan (as in napoli) I think.
Could do with making more snappy to increase the power of your words.
phrases like everlasting wind are fairly meaningless, and the use of ebb and flow/ swayed and lapped/ stalking prey are staples of poetry and just obstruct the reader from getting to the more creative and refreshing parts.
Overall quite good though.
Ten witnesses; one, to stretch the ten seconds.
It is reckoned ten leaps, to let a long drag
another new underground quality poet.
bull moo- seems a bit comical. good thought provoker.
two verses are wasted telling us that you are unable to communicate what a tragic death is.
The final verse is where the 'poem' starts, it could do with being sharper
not necessarily. the limerick flip is something new. there's an underlying tension between the van driver and the woman. rewrite this and smoothe the rhythm.
a bird in the hand....
I often work for jerk sauce and fried iguana.
Amen.
Nice thumb, I guess it never fully recovered from when you pulled it out of your ass.
P.s. Life boatman did one WAY better. Study it.
I would if Dark Angel wasn't borrowing both sets of my teeth currently.
A splendid poem, but the line breaks and lower case crap simply doesn't work here.
hmmm. how does one actually figure out whether or not the moon has been battered? Doust it cry. Doust it shimmy? Perhaps... it sends you an e-mail saying "help me I'm a battered in the pants of some highschooler on a bus staring at you right now with a brown eye!"?. That's it battered moons don't have black I's they have brown I's. lol. between me and you? your title is fucking seriously pathetic on a huge scale. An avalanche, if you will, of retardation. Kitsch to the max!
very creative and clear. Though I'm always against racism and biggotry, I admit appreciating your honesty for fear of "jews and negroids." As is common practice where fear is so freely distributed.
"If you look all the sponges" you'd need visine. 'took'.
Answer to 1 = It wouldn't be any "deeper" or 'denser' or shallower. it would be an ecological catastrophe.
#2 Light acrobatic Asians qand or levitating pariahs.
#3 Sign makers aren't intelligent enough to strike, not to mention there is no factory that makes signs, they're homemade 99% of the time the other 1% they are borrowed.
#4 as far back as you are currently
#5 Because you posted it on a site where people read poetry and other forms of writing to be read in return.
#6 Because I have no legs.
#7 Eating luckycharms and perhaps a bit of laundry before interviewing Gary Coleman.
#8 BECAUSE HE'S A BLACK MIDGET RUNNING FOR OFFICE.
here's a question for you?
Why do you keep shaving your chimpanzee and taking him for longwalks on cold days?
Answer: Because you are A Monkey abuser.