some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 2:48 PM
"Punctuation is a chain by which it seems mostly everyone but me hangs. There is not a box I will crawl in. While I admit that Punctuation does help prose flow, poetry cries the reverse. Never liked the language natzi. I don't accept the lame excuse that period and comma add to my detractors. Arise all you downtrodden brainwashed minions of english (or other) major/minors and slip your collars and chains." Well said, I feel the same way about caps. It still reads the same. If the reader is actually reading the poem they will have no problem interpeting it. There are no rules for art...it's a pleasure if there were...it would be a task eh? :) ;)
ahaaahhaahahahah, feezus that was ahoot. 9.
better.
I've got five GREEN zeros this week, and let me tell you it feels so much better
"death" is only a he, because you make him one in your poem. Death is not the last thing, but the least thing.
A vale is a depression or a valley. Are you saying the ancient queen is tucked away in a ruby valley? And why the ............... instead of just ... which is just effective but only if you know how to use it properly, which you don't. And the direct voice is not working here. You are writing the poem to "us" not a specific "you". Thus, it is nothing more than bad didactic rambling.
ace line breaks
I like most of it, but there are a couple parts that I didn't feel completely struck by.
This one being my favorite part...
Stretch limbing dusks' arc
The red under your bark
And how you left your mark
On me, never the seasons...
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=68228
Proof, we have a lot in common.
More cuts? i was looking for death warmed over easy. My suggestion would be Don't over use an overused style overly. 8
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 4:02 PM
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.126.113.154 I'm adding this name to the other list! Bachus 24.126.113.154, horus8 24.126.113.154, Shardik 24.126.113.154, <{Baba^Yaga}> 24.126.113.154 Too many people...1 IP.
I most often make myself laugh the hardest.
A sad bitter leif Garret
some deleted user
on Unloyal Poon (Free Puss) by A Spanish Devil by <{Baba^Yaga}>
3 Oct 2003, 2:50 PM
This is a piece for the hounds. Surely you must have a life? Why re-write my poetry? PLEASE for all of us...get out and get some sun!
Titles pliz. So that I might wipe my pooky with it's fine binding spine.
Here's a green seven for your brass ballz.
I flows smoothly, but there are a couple parts that I feel were...well that they were for lack of better words, basically. Like, "a God of thunder," I dunno...seemed like something you would write when you'er young.
I think this is the best poem I've read on this yet to date. Honestly.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 3:50 PM
?????????--> Bachus 24.126.113.154, horus8 24.126.113.154, Shardik 24.126.113.154, <{Baba^Yaga}> 24.126.113.154 Hmm...funny who those who leave nasty comments and re-write my poetry( Re: Unloyal Poon (Free Puss) by A Spanish Devil by <{Baba^Yaga}>) ALL have the same IP. Surely this person must have a life? I mean to go and re-write one of my pieces?
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 3:51 PM
Baba...?????????--> Bachus 24.126.113.154, horus8 24.126.113.154, Shardik 24.126.113.154, <{Baba^Yaga}> 24.126.113.154 Hmm...funny who those who leave nasty comments and re-write my poetry( Re: Unloyal Poon (Free Puss) by A Spanish Devil by <{Baba^Yaga}>) ALL have the same IP. Surely this person must have a life? I mean to go and re-write one of my pieces?