some deleted user
on My Show at the Whiskey a Go Go on the 26th of August 2003 by Jeremi B. Handrinos
3 Oct 2003, 4:04 PM
You comment on your own work?
Weirdly vaguely literate. That's Aced!
I dig the ending.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 4:08 PM
A bird got me once on my way to school when I was around 12. Nasty lil buggers! ;)
heh. dont look at me, im not shy to shout
CRAPPY POEM 0 0 0 0!!!
in wonderfull green attire.
you should see my musehearts swimming lessons poem.. it has a ton of blue zeros and even a green one (all of the zeros are musehearts- she didnt appreciate my public overview of her writing..)
theres no point in calling these folks out, since they arent "brave" enough to be upfront with their judgements- most of them.. others just have an obsessive hate for certain poems/poets- welcome to rankerville, its a jungle which is infested with barbarians and tamed animals alike.
btw, heres a six.
-how a young man is lead to neo-nazism and the kkk...
jealousy and cock size can produce some interesting and unpleasant results.. heh. 8.
hey, mr "president"... what about the boogie man, broken down heating systems, wornout and thin blankets
(lets not forget those creapy whisperings and shadows that morph into monsters before my eyes)
jesus christ.
dubbed "dont worry, you dont need to wet the bed little child, its ok, your safe and sound.. *FART*"
2
ps: whats your obsession with old world english usage? its corny and.. simply serves little purpose here except to downgrade your work.. in my opinion.
_O/
'|_
_(o)\_ + A kilo of cocaine and millions
of dollars in settlement money can turn...
-==O
__<|~|\___
\_(0)_(0)_\ In the blink of an eye.
love the lost and find feel here. like stumbling around an automotive junkyard.
of lights to drift.
eh? um..
were you rushing this one? it looks like it, because alot of these lines suddenly jump into the next without fluent transition.
ex:
but she slips coyly away
like a bride blushing,
translucent limbs in fluid motion
mesmerising as they pass...
suddenly translucent limbs appear? wouldnt it be better to mention limbs when you start talking about how she slips away?
looks like a rough draft to me.. needs cutting, sorting, and tweaking- 6 for now.
unscramble this THEN invert it. LISTEN for the rhythm. read it aloutd to yourself. it fixes things. promise.
This is near top-of-your-game stuff. Great tripodal balance you have with the serious/silly/outrageous. thats for you. personally.
heh.. i like the spurt of cls related writes.. but its beginning to lose flamesparks.. hrmm.. well, shit, since cls poems are in vogue all of a sudden, im going to move the jesusfreak parody up into recents for the occassion.
7.
Ignoramis me I have no IDEA who Crystal Lane Swift be. But if this is meant to be a character slam you have done swell.
This is so mystically mysterious that I have no clue as to what it means.
CLS seems to have gotten up quite a few tails. The joke must be on me for my tail is quite free.
I'm crying, I'm laughing so hard. I didn't see the original, but this is hilarious.
If you meant to be in spirrit mean, it certainly hits a target. If character splat is not where you're at, I'm looking down a tunnel.
Dear DA,
Thank you for the ten but your comment isn't welcome here. I've played the post, delete, repost, redelete game with you before. Let's not do it again.
Love,
OFA