Shardik
on living room by elmundo
10 Oct 2003, 5:45 PM
Sounds more like the pantry.
Wow, that's an original thought.
Have you ever even read Oliver Twist?
Wow! I would never have guessed that someone would have experienced sex!
An opera of teenage hormonal implamentation. A warm cup of boob juice with a dash of bat pee and a smattering of worm hair. 10!
Like a bent uncut penis doing it's dirty work in my colon.
ha haa ha ah aaa. i'm sorry, but you should write comedy. you're really good.
This isn't poetry. It's barely a warm journal entry.
A case of internal chicken pox and no bus fare.
Self masturbation on an elementary level.
Great promise, but in need of an edit and more buffing for the clarity behind the notion.
Seriously not bad.
Good god you are a sad case. get over it, it's horribly boring and nothing new.
And what of the purple bruised urchin when it comes lurchin into a yard full of Sod!!!!
That, and puppy fucking.
Up your arse?
Is God wretching, or are those DNA strands? We should all be worried.
"blocked, he scatched
my eye yanked
on my hair"
this section could be edited to say blocked,/
he scratched my eye/
yanked on my hair/ "
because splitting up the verbs from the objects is confusing. Clean up that first line of typos, too.
A little more description of him and the proximity he was to the narrator with his knife would make it easier to visualize.
Suicide is such a cowardly way out, And I don't think she had time to repent.