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My Angel's Suicide (Free verse) by Artemis745 The light was too bright,
So she hid from the sun.
In her dark place,
She held the gun.
Closed her eyes,
And held her breath.
Gripping the gun,
Waiting for death.
Placed her finger,
In perfect position.
The gun, well loaded,
With ammunition.
Raising the gun,
Up to her head
She ran from life;
Choosing death instead.
Pulled the trigger,
And fired the shot.
Dropping the gun,
The barrel still hot
And in that split second,
Before she died,
My angel cried.
Up the ladder:
Perversions 8: The Reckoning
Down the ladder:
The painted Chair
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.7272725
Posted: October 10, 2003 6:02 PM PDT; Last modified: October 10, 2003 6:02 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.3636365 Overall Rank: 815 Comments:
[8]
sliver @ 63.190.64.11
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10-Oct-03/6:36 PM
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Reply
Suicide is such a cowardly way out, And I don't think she had time to repent.
[n/a]
Artemis745 @ 152.163.252.198
> sliver
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11-Oct-03/10:29 AM
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Reply
I agree. However, this is a poem and it isn't really true to life. It's fantasy. That is what makes it enjoyable.
"In perfect position."
Everything about angels is perfection - glad you had that word there. I didn't notice the repetition with "the gun" as I read it, which is cool.
Angels aren't perfect, spaz master. Observe the following proofe, in the philosophical tradition of Anselm.
1. If "everything about angels is perfection", they have all perfections. 2. It is better to exist in reality than to exist in the imagination. 3. Therefore a being with all perfections must exist in reality. 4. Angels do not exist except in the imagination of deluded Christians and teenagers. 5. Therefore angels are not perfect. 6. Quod erat demonstrandum.
Poems are words that are from our imagination, some are more towards reality and some are from a whole different planet. This poem isn't exactly true to life but it captured my attention and emotions. Good job!
Tears...perfect 10!
[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] About drugs [X] About romantic love [_] About writing [X] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About the author's social pastimes [_] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but written in the third person [_] Clerical errors [X] Clichéd imagery (gazing out of window, tears falling like rain) [X] Clichéd rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [_] Clichéd angst words (putrid, wretched) [_] Devoid of rhyme [X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, onomatopoeia) [_] Devoid of other literary devices (simile, synaesthesia) [X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [_] Ellipses used overabundantly [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Rage against the machine [X] Repetition of a word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimonious [_] Self-obsessed [X] Sentimental [X] Smugly-named protagonist [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Untitled [X] Vicarious wish fulfilment -12- 210 view(s)
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