Like it. Reminds me of a passage from Slaughterhouse 5 - "How nice - to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive".

Dear God.

I disagree with JZ. There are a lot of prepositions but I think that is down to person style and not necessarily a fault. Arid air is a terrible cliche.

The finding, and the searching for that matter, sounds terribly portentious. I think the pome needs something more concrete to convince that there is something behind the shadows.

-7- For humor.

I thought of John Newton, an English slave ship captain for 20 years. He quit all that, sided with the abolition movement, and wrote the song of the movie's title, "Amazing Grace" When he got old and blind, he said, "I was blind, but now I see," and then asked the question, "Did I write that?" A good movie.

Not keen on the whole polar storage diversion. The best parts for me are the 'for a minute I thought I was beautiful' and its relationship to the catching the boy's thoughts at Saigon house (the best part of the poem imo) and the end with let them think what they want. I think you have the crux here of an aceo poem.

I don't think the cold water darkness simile works. You don't really breathe in darkness or cold water. Don't like how you've used 5 lines to say green red red yellow. 'And most of the time I am' doesn't appear to refer to anything. I like the bit about the fogs that occassionally descend on this city, the balance of fog. I really like the last verse too (bar the last line). There seem to be three themes here, the wandering in the fields, the past life, and the dissection fantasy. I'm not sure how they are linked though.

Great clarity.

That’s the way it is We are on the mission To achieve what we shoud achieve For achieving we want to do anything Like that Happiness is that we do whatever it takes To achieve something at the end Even we dont know it works or not Afterwards we are still where we stay and we die

Ace, I don't get it but it's clearly not bow'ls.

I never understand why people must always write about death and hate as though they are the worst things on this planet. What about indigestion, dammit? No-one ever thinks of the indigestion!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enjoyable. I'm not certain that the title has any more bearing than association with some of the images, but it's probably worth more thought than I can give right now. 'Slide your new tongue between the cracks' made me think of weeds growing through paving slabs - but I'm not sure if you want that ambiguity (i.e. the contrast with 'a polished way to speak'). I think it works wonderfully though, and I do intend to think more about this later. One instant suggestion - you might want to get rid of 'the' from line 2; it could be a personal preference but I prefer as few definite articles as possible in a short space. Good poem.

The grammar and syntax seems all over the place, there are fragments that make sense. In the first couple of lines where does 'odd' come from. Like the lady with her tales about cats being unpoisonable. Not sure where Darwin awards? comes into it and the bit about reward, not sure about that either. In verse 2 caused 'it' is problematic, what exactly is 'it' (other than an anaphoric island). Like the primordial stew bit in verse 3 but 'The man who demanded of the three-legged dance says' the man who demanded what of the three-legged dance. The final verse is better but the final two lines are a bit rubbish.

I don't know. I don't think kick the bucket it quite synonymous with her killing herself. Kicking the bucket is more of a description ex eventu.

Haiku should be two images that intersect. This isn't. Also it is ambiguous. Are you thanking the cat for wiping it up or for making it.

The last verse is out of kilter. The poem is the narrator pondering certain questions but then he says to not blame Moses.

This must be about children. You teach them rules and in psychoguff terms they internalise those rules and then when the rules are removed they grow into upstanding chaps. The poem is rubbish if my theory is incorrect.

This is good. I might say that there is a possible alternative to missing out the article - Imp once told me that 'tree' is also the archaic name for a cross (like the one from the Passion). You could change that line to 'Men nailed to trees bleeding out', which would also bring in the two thieves on either side. That being said, it's such an obscure phrase that people might not get it. Either way, I still think this is perfectly acceptable.

I thought the title said 'A twisted Trail in Edna's Garden'. How terrifying would that be? As for the poeme itself, it's well written. If I were to be picky (and I am) then my only suggestion might be to change 'before' to something that doesn't start on a soft stress. It's not a particularly important crit though.