poemranker ::Llamas by Skamper

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Free verse № 151188

Llamas

by Skamper

Member since 2007 · Posted 24 Mar 2007 · 7 comments

Dead things resurrect the imaginings of child-like tantrums filling hollows and writhing in the shallows - strangled threads twist and wriggle to be free thoughts bumping stumbling apologising what’s right? seats reserved for those deserving the rest shuffle for places filling fast Teach me a polished way to speak slide your new tongue between the cracks where slighted words were tossed just because - I tired of them the page laughed creased and walked away shaking dog-eared head

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7 comments

[9] Ranger 25-Mar-07/1:02 PM Reply
Enjoyable. I'm not certain that the title has any more bearing than association with some of the images, but it's probably worth more thought than I can give right now. 'Slide your new tongue between the cracks' made me think of weeds growing through paving slabs - but I'm not sure if you want that ambiguity (i.e. the contrast with 'a polished way to speak'). I think it works wonderfully though, and I do intend to think more about this later. One instant suggestion - you might want to get rid of 'the' from line 2; it could be a personal preference but I prefer as few definite articles as possible in a short space. Good poem.
[n/a] Skamper › Ranger 30-Mar-07/4:01 PM Reply
The title has no bearing, it was a random choice as I was titling this piece someone mentioned Llamas...I was/am lazy.
Slide your new tongue between the cracks ties in more with what is written after than before it. I agree with the 'the' in line two and have adjusted it on my own copy. thanks for reading.
[8] drnick 29-Mar-07/3:21 PM Reply
I'm not sure what is going on here, but I like that it's not obvious. I got the feeling of a mind furious with anxious thought, which seemed to work out well. Nice rhythem, as well.
[n/a] Skamper › drnick 30-Mar-07/4:07 PM Reply
Exactly that! many thanx...
[5] pete 15-Jun-07/6:27 AM Reply
slide your new tongue.... nice ...teach me etc .. is this a matchstick page wandering muttering into the surreal landscape
[n/a] Skamper › pete 19-Oct-07/5:21 AM Reply
I should have studied more - at times my own ignorance astounds me
[n/a] Skamper › pete 19-Oct-07/5:22 AM Reply
thankyou for taking part again... :)