peaceseeker
on I wish I had a friend by un_oying
12 Oct 2003, 9:48 AM
pretty depressing.
Spoken like a true trained killer.
Is this a fantasy about killing for your country?
say more about the beautiful scars, why were they beautiful? did she move on?
obviously he doesn't know how to use either one.
sad. truly sad.
Is that "E" for ecstasy?
I liked your analogy.
Is okay, has some good language in it. The, "Clicking glass upon a tooth" is very cool. I like the whole machine gunner sidetrip.
Would L4 read better if it had an "a" before barely? I know: picky, picky, picky.
Why do you care what stupid negative people think?
This one is very moving and well written.
Remember, friends don't let friends use the wrong "to/two/too": 3rd stanza, "to" s/b "too".
I knew you were dead by S5. Cute; have a 6.
Awesome easy rhyming kept my attention - right up to naevete', then it kind of breaks.
Rethink that ending, if you are so inclined, and you will have something really special, I'm sure of it.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 10:25 AM
How sad...a poem with no comments...
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 10:33 AM
I always love your work!
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 10:36 AM
I hardly ever like haiku, but this is fabulous!
Excellent use of the phrase "How terribly sad" to make the poeme seem sad. -10-
Ace use of "sun" to rhyme with "garden" and "bridge" to rhyme with "knowledge"!
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 12:42 PM
great poem... would you mind if i show this to some nun friends of mine? they are traditional and would love to see that someone else out there is as well. keep up the great work! you're so talented :)
it's best not to talk to one's self while writing or soemthing like this comes up
Touching - the ending is very sweet and unforced; well done.
it's the truth. america has issues. hell all of the earth has issues.
very heart-felt poem. I love how the words don't ryhme but the poems still flows.