http://mulberryfairy
on The Secret Jungle Keys by Y2kSlamPoet
27 Oct 2003, 4:50 PM
I think you made the metaphor a little too obvious- but it was, nevertheless, a good one. Make people think a little harder for it.
nice, some spelling errors though.
i remember speaking to my father when he was dying.. i tried to learn babble then, since he lost his speaking ability two weeks after the doctors declared him to be terminal.. ah well.
blessed with 8.
The right to life..
you know, all that is completely buttfucked when you consider the right to bear arms, but i liked the poem never-the-less.
Also, theres almost no other option for folks when voting- politicians here have become experts at playing monopoly.
Blessed with 7.
Bill Z Bub
on The Velvet Purse of the Universe (The Witch of Raven St.) by Don-Quixote
27 Oct 2003, 5:03 PM
I loved the title, but was disappointed when it turned out to be an actual purse. I have a filthy filthy mind.
Bill Z Bub
on Jesus and the spider (Should have bought a GT 500 Glider) by Don-Quixote
27 Oct 2003, 5:05 PM
Neato.
Robosexual.
(Petrarchan)
hey, shakespeare, can this love verse get any more.. "emo slush and the children of the korn?"
no offense.. but.. bah, what a horrible dish you gave us this time. 4.
ah, if this is a parody.. its a pile of shit.. because its not fucking funny- whos your mentor? Darth Vader on crack and poppy seeds?
i sense much loathing in you. (oh wise one!- lmao, my starwar quotes tickle me)
your wheelchair needs power brakes. jesus recommends it.
ah, if this is a parody.. its a pile of shit.. because its not fucking funny- whos your mentor? Darth Vader on crack and poppy seeds?
i sense much loathing in you. (oh wise one!- lmao, my starwar quotes tickle me)
your wheelchair needs power brakes. jesus recommends it.
holy shit thats alot of words - actually, its only 680 - but it felt like more. I read them all.
Quite a cathartic rant - feel better??
Well that was poop.
I totally get it, but it took me a few (cuz I'm medicated).
I love cable. You should get cable (or DSL) or a modem that works.
a well conveyed [senryu]; a simple sentiment.
gave me a smile.
kindof a lyrical quality.
Not crazy about the lowercase "i"s, and maybe a tad too many cliches/term dropping - but workable methinks.
Pretty excellently done. Wonderful language use and the thing is polished up quite nicely.
the use of "sanguine" gives me a little pause though - I can appreciate the aliteration it gives, and I see you've tied it in with the last stanza - but I just can't roll over it. Prolly just me. Maybe it's *because* of the alliteration with "submerged"? Maybe swap out submerged instead?
huh//? I'm not a bitch.... you recive a nine.
Yes that's the Gist of it. Just take a look at the best list and you will see the Jesus enima contents.
lol! 10!
I liked it. It speaks from the heart. May the Sacred Heart of Jesus have mercy on us.
my soccer coach would always tell me "go for the goal"
so i listened, sliped on some poo' and broke my collar bone. In which ended my peewee career.
He also said "think of the goal, not poetry"
so i think you should play soccer.
your mind is some where else.
3