Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Gone-Too-Far Kitchen (Free verse) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
Xylophone on the rocks, Pronounces its jangling wisdom, Whilst a passing politician, Dines on quail's brine and rye. Charles had become gravely yet unwittingly forsoothed, Athough his clockwork-laced innards, Had yet to imply the true extent of this, Save in the slightest of digestive suggestions. You see, a backspace is eternally depressed, Drowned in the sanguine depths, Of illiterate logic, A child's voice is heard nonetheless. Thank providence for that one lone call, Of the faraway amber rogue, Describing the agony of his swollen spleen, Or, as it is often known, the Delaware Tree.

Up the ladder: Fugitively Speaking
Down the ladder: short clip about dc, #2

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 11
.. 31
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20

Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2515
Posted: October 25, 2003 5:07 PM PDT; Last modified: October 25, 2003 5:07 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[n/a] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 163.1.234.177 | 25-Oct-03/5:08 PM | Reply
Hey, I know I joke around a bit, but I've decided to try and write a serious poem for once. I'm quite pleased with the result. I hope you will enjoy it too.
[10] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 | 26-Oct-03/5:08 PM | Reply
Dave gave you a zero because he's mysterious! Like a woman's vagina.
[9] J.B. Manning @ 129.44.35.24 > horus8 | 27-Oct-03/10:05 AM | Reply
It would be mysterious, coming from someone excreted from his mothers arse.


[n/a] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 163.1.234.227 > horus8 | 28-Oct-03/8:11 AM | Reply
Perhaps you might find this helpful:

http://www.sexinfo101.com/kb_fdiagrams.shtml
[9] J.B. Manning @ 129.44.35.24 | 27-Oct-03/10:06 AM | Reply
You see, a backspace is eternally depressed,
Submerged deep in the sanguine depths,
Of illiterate logic,
A child's voice is heard nonetheless.

--nice, very nice. Actually Dave, your humor has, in the past, inspired me to not take things so seriously.

Good stuff.
[9] http://mulberryfairy @ 209.222.212.42 | 27-Oct-03/11:23 AM | Reply
nice and enjoyable, but you couldn't help but throw in a little wit, anyhow.
I am the finest wit in all of Gloucestershire!

No, seriously, I think it adds to the swarthy nature of the tale.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 27-Oct-03/6:17 PM | Reply
Pretty excellently done. Wonderful language use and the thing is polished up quite nicely.

the use of "sanguine" gives me a little pause though - I can appreciate the aliteration it gives, and I see you've tied it in with the last stanza - but I just can't roll over it. Prolly just me. Maybe it's *because* of the alliteration with "submerged"? Maybe swap out submerged instead?
[n/a] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 163.1.234.227 > Shuushin | 28-Oct-03/8:20 AM | Reply
Hmm, I can't really see the problem. I might leave that line as it is. What about "drowned in the sanguine depths"?

Do you think I should make it a sonnet?
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > ?-Dave_Mysterious-? | 28-Oct-03/5:11 PM | Reply
I thought it was a sonnet.

I like the drowned better - but like I said, might just be me.
[n/a] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 163.1.234.221 > Shuushin | 29-Oct-03/5:15 PM | Reply
Opinions is what it's all about.
344 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001