First line is good (I would argue with hh about archaisms and the use of my child in particular) Second line metered but fluffy and ambiguous enough to cause people to miss the connection to the rest Excellent second stanza First line of third stanza is good, but the colour choices and the absence of explanation for these colours in the second is amgibuous enough to quench the power of the first. Summary: 2nd and 6th lines are the weak points in my eye, but I like the second stanza, the concept of the colour of sun, and my reading of the poem as a whole.

I love the way you've used an egg as a metaphor for life in general.

Emotions are the fundamental building blocks that bind the spiritual, physical, mental and artistic realms. Without them, poetry and poverty become meaningless and are lost in the sands of time beneath the waves of hustle and bustle that break on the shores of our frantic modern lifestyles. I hope you agree with these sentiments, because I think your work sums them up beautifully. An excellent poeme. -10-

lol

I got a foot to lend as well...

I liked the last sentence, the rest has a little too much cliche to it

now this is some good shit!

Very good lyric, even though I wouldn't hand you any points for originality.

Doesn't quite flow as smoothly as it could. It could be better.

You must have an actual mental disability to keep churning out exactly the same song over 30 times.

eh http://www.mycgiserver.com/~prawne/code.jsp?action=decode&thecode=0114F480

Piffle.

Hmmmm... great idea. I'm really into random references which communicate the image or idea, so this is my favoite kind of lyric/poetry. That said, I'm certain the lead in was just something you came up with, at the time, to get yourself going. It lacks the integrity, vision, and sweetness of the other components. Also wouldn't it be better to be more specific about the time frame of kennedy's death? Instead of 'when' to say 'the day...' 'the year...' etc. It's ecstasy not extasy. My first impression was that I understand this and I like the way you put it together, traveling through those post-wwII television ideals and showing the reader how many light-years far they are from the reality of living and being.

There is something about this poem that makes it work! The words fit together almost like a trail, one word leading to the next. Great job!

It's two people's hearts. Sweet as pie. Unfortunately the rainbows send this zooming to Over-The-Top Ville. Again, my first impression was just kind of ahhhhhh... that's gentle + tender, and I'm all for that sort of thing. Does it really make 'all of life a single moment'?

'the only thing I know how to do/ is keep on keeping on/ like a bird that flew/ tangled up in blue' Bob Dylan. At least your influences are getting better. I think you should try write something that does not rhyme. See where it takes you.

'Making love to grow a child' is a rather interesting line, seems so unsentimental. Then 'two peoples hearts grow twice the size' is unabashedly OTT romantic. Two nice lines but somewhat at odds I think. The bit about life a single moment is a bit trite, what comes before it does not convince.

Don't just say 'vivid dreams' 'memories flashing. Tell!

Yes nice flow, reads like a conversation. Perhaps some of the lines need examining though, like 'insanity looming close' how would you know?

I think you should make me a sandwich and get naked.