half.italian
on some deleted poem
19 Apr 2007, 7:07 PM
No reason to put "(child abuse)" in the title. We get that. For your next one try to come up with an analogy that describes the situation, but relating to a different object/setting.
7 for the laugh.
Kinda nice.
Kinda reminds me of a Dr. Suess.
Ha
May I try the next verse for you:
An awkward fumbling at my bra,
A great bulging stiffy in your jeans,
Subsides in a damp, cloying puddle,
I must attend myself, by artificial means.
You rhymed kiss and bliss. That alone earns you the great award of "cliché." You also refer to bliss as heavenly. This earns the award of "overt cliché." You use absolutely no novel imagery or language or even display the slightest awareness that a poem is a form of artwork.
In other words, this is a bad poem for just about every reason a poem can be bad.
-2- for effort
You also had poor enough taste to VOTE ON YOUR OWN POEM ANONYMOUSLY.
It's like mallarmé , but without the musicality and with a damp lyricism.
This is very sexy. I have shot my load.
Pretentious and wordy.
Not very good is it?
Kinky stuff - I think I know the place.
Why submit the same poem twice? It's still nasty fascist rubbish.
cliché
time for a commercial break.
better not have kids, then.