==Doylum
on some deleted poem
2 Nov 2003, 7:58 AM
Whats this about?
10!
My commentating will come, yet! If I am free on Thursday, perhaps. But, until then, I must take pride in this poem, note the correlations to Francis' "Summons", and continue on...
Well, to leave this out would be too...conspicuous :), and so, I am here. I shall say simply that the internal stirrings this implies are not unknown to my precincts. And now, I shall leave the confessional, and go about my work. they really should have the option of point-fives when voting--I'm always caught between rounding up or rounding down.
You're right--it lacks the "sympathy" Mann spoke of, though to my own mind is very exact, very precise, and of wordings fine.
So in today I?ll live is probably the most exceptional line but the're all quite brilliant!
Ha ha ha aha h ahja ah fuckin excellent!
This might be seen more as a collection of thought on a single individual than a poem connecting directly together.
In any case, some allusions:
--The first two lines are from Wordsworth's "Ode"
--Fariduddin Attar was a Persian mystic-poet of the Islamic tradition many centuries ago. One of his greatest works was called The Conference of the Birds-- about birds who set out to search for a King. After many trials on their travels, they discovered that each held the King within itself...in metaphor of God, the story takes on meaning beyond simple comprehension.
--Telemachus, of course, is the son of Odysseus.
--"take you to see ice": the first line of Marquez's 100Years: "Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendio remembered the distant day when his father took him to discover ice." This first line plunges the reader into the cyclic pattern of damnation and redemption which goes through the whole book.
--horizontal/vertical axes: all of life being graphed on such a scale: the vertical axis holds all that is of insight and "depth", while the horizontal is plain experience. The correlation between true understanding and mere knowledge or information, if you will.
--"This is my way--that yours": reference to:
"...Say: "O ye who deny the truth! I do not worship that which you worship, and neither do you worship that which I worship. ... Unto you, your way, and to me, mine!"..."
I am left perplexed.
Liberate California! Not to poke fun. I think you have done very well with this piece.
Intense. Very.
Ha! The last line clinches all!
I salute you.
The theme is clear enough--but the individual examples are interpretable enough in the inverse that I am happy. Appreciated.
How on earth can fiction lie? How can you have your pudding if you don't eat yer meat If you don't eat your meat how can you have any pudding. To lie is to intentionally decive, fiction does not try to decive we've got documentaries, government reports and newspapers for that. That aside everything else seems in order especally line 13 & 14.
10/10.
Yep!
A masterpiss.
Great poem very original. I really like the structure too.
A bombastic ah, bomb? 12!!!
This would be awesome at a reading, a great performance poem. Great ideas and great rhythym.
You did a really good job on this poem. in my opinion poetry is not about making it rhyme, or making enough syllables... or enough lines.. or whatever. It's like what you did, making a statement and evoking an emotion. 10/10
Good job. You are a very good poet :) Deep thinker