The picture you paint! Love Sick. Sea Sick. Motion Sick.

yes, no need to shout. 6. show more/ tell less. create some new meatphors.

LoL - actually, this is wicked funny. A potential classic. -9-

Not too bad, I think the "then" in stanza three wants to be a "than" -7-

ill do just that mate ( Later on dont say i took ya pants:o)

a pretty good, if done, image. This kindof thing comes pretty easy to most people, even non-poets -5-

tickles? -4-

hey - that's actually a good sentiment, and well said. -8-

I think with some line breaks, and a little more fleshing out of this balcony character this could be more interesting. A peppering of well put sentiments would be well served by some structure. -8- ? wish there was a 7.5

kindof a enviro-political pimple. Reach a bit for those expressions, seek specificity like the good ones in that third line ("wind" could be better served though). -7- as an aside - most people worry more about the second and third world folks than we who are hindered by bureacracy.

:o)So thats whats wrong with me...Heehehe, dont think so

STOP THE SHOUTING. horrey cow. The last three lines gel very nicely, but I can't help thinking there's a more forceful way to make this case. Most of the power is lost in heat (as is often the case). It almost pushes through though... -7-

Well. This made me look up what a "Koori", what it means in a general sense, and some history. These kinds of things definitely do raise awareness. The language with the simple rhymes and abundance of extra words is a bit adolescent, and there's not a whole lot wrong with that in this context. have an encouraging -8-; thanks for expanding my worldview in a specific way (I already knew it sucked in these regards in a general way).

I have to say the simple sentiment is refreshing, and that sentiment is consistent with the language. Imagine what you could convey with a broader toolset? show me what the wings look like, show me more of that view; how, exactly, does the earth look through the clouds. Can you make a play with the wings as clouds (another poem, perhaps)? that last sentence - you shouldn't have to tell me that, I should read the thing and say it to myself. Have an -8- with points for encouragement.

"A hobble a cackle a wisp of chuckle" - that, I like alot. couple suggestions, for what they're worth: the thing with nostalgic crumbs right at the start is tricky because you don't want the reader to stumble making sense of that (I stumbled a bit), then having stumbled I hit "eat my brother" - is that a request made to the witch? Who's side are you on, anyway? having said that - I think, after reading this, you might be on the witch side. and I like that *idea*, but the poem doesn't quite convince me you are doing it on purpose. Know what I mean? There's some good language and that awesome hobble-cackle line but I feel like it could be more. if you are doing that traitorus twist, then it's worth making it more. a hopeful -8-

This is exactly why we like zinnias. they are a hearty flower that can survive winters. And they return to grace us with their beauty every spring. A tree does not hibernate. It improves its root structure during the down season. Just focus on your balcony. All is well in nature.

Yes, Iknow. Accepted. This is the game you do best. This poem, right here. play ball. Hows the acting going anyway? New leads?

Maybe it's not you. See stanza two. Lesser company? As in lesser people? Or you wining solo.

Like you really need mor accolades here. Kool-aid maybe. No. Calling someone a goob, and getting away with it? THAT'S Kool.

This is not up to your usual stuff. It seems a bit forced.