<Wankster>
on Hard on (Lyric) by John K by Bachus
16 Dec 2003, 2:45 PM
this is pretty bad yo
Mook
lol
Now the last line was "pop- fizzle"
Other than that, wonderful. Blessed with eight.
Srry that i cant b here in Poemranker more often - been in a training n still am. Hope 2 read ya guys/gals stuff once i finish this arse grinding.
Cheers friends
I'll asist you on you're quest ^^
A deeply disturbing piece that caused powerful sensations in my brain and body. Controversial stuff.
No no no! You must deserve your infamy
All I could picture was Yoda rubbin his bum...
mmmmgghhh - stuck i am young skywalker - bored, bored I am with this trainin - mmmgmgghhhh
"a path of emotions and realities"... yes, that describes my own life so beautifully. I also liked the way you used the Tree of Time as a metaphor for the Master of Rhyme. And the way you used Mankind's struggle with Death as a poignant reminder that as human beings, we don't always get the balance between poetry and sheer idiocy right. Thank you.
cute, could do with being less dense on the page, some stanzas and punctuation maybe.
The rhythm is the best thing
'sit I must'? perhaps: I must/sit yawning, rubbing scuffling my rump.
Guerrilla warfare takes dedication and well to do parents.
Not bad 't all.
Belch.
Could you please describe what was going through your mind just before you decided to rhyme "blissfulness" with "wistfulness"?
So are you telling me that throughout history, all people who have surrendered themselves to a God have thence gone on to perform great deeds? Because if that is what you're trying to say, then you are even more of an idiot than I think you are already just for being a woman. Thanks.
winter as a loss of reason - love it.
I like the connotations of "instilling" a belief in god into our children.
I won't castigate you for leaving out the "no God" path which would be a natural extension of lines 2 and 3 (could be accomplished by changing "And", to "Or".
The thing builds rather nicely, though its not as poetic as some of your others.
Good emotion, I'll bet they knew how much you liked it.