INTRANSIT
on some deleted poem
1 Jan 2004, 12:38 PM
I'd prefer S-4,L-4 (as) my face is starting to burn.
And what's with S-3 and its' 1-1,2-2 rhyme? Other than those minor things, I say to hell with christmas altogether.
sounds like a real catch.
I like the refrain - you shall have a snowman (8)
killed me with the first line.
dead.
But I kept on reading in case it was poetic satire of some type, like some kind of storking large black wolf zombie - trapped forever as a creature of the night.
Now I hang from a bony-fingered tree like a vampire bat and hand you an "L".
I think you could make a good story from it, though.
loose lips ... are fun at parties.
what is it a picture of? I will build you a snowman while the image forms in my tired head.
he's back! fantastic! -10-
You should check into a nursing home. I'm sure you'd rapidly acquire an audience there.
I do hope you've sent out "whilst the bells ring".
"ending a bloodline" has to go.
Were Roman baths an early version of ethnic cleansing?
Sharp. like a Manatee.
very interesting and hilarious. i would like to meet the handsome poet though--10
yeah...like that is so original--3
yeah who needs christmas?--10
electroman1979
on I like to annoy people with my new digital camera by DavetheRave
1 Jan 2004, 9:11 PM
good poem
did i just deleted the comments?
Valium works better.
Also, take the time to read comments on other poems you read. If something a writer said sparks your interest, follow it. The best part of poemranker is not necessarily the most recent poems posted. Roam the back halls. Study the graffiti. no vote
You must read this in proper cadence to understand how it flows. If you a rich little white boy with no rythm it just ain't gonna sound right..so pull yo blue jeans down past yo waist, tilt yo baseball cap 45 degrees to the right and strike that gangsta pose before you read this one.
I like erotic and/or romantic poetry like this, but it seems to me it would flow better if you wouldn't punctuate so often in the middle of a line where there is no grammatical need. Example: "What your love does to me" instead of "What your love, does to me." It certainly is hot and sweaty and breathes heavily, though, and I like that.