Interesting syntax in the first couple of lines...I found myself wanting more of it. Still, very nice...I haven't heard such a pleasant, concise description of the willing vulnerability of love in some time.

Kind of pretty. Sight of him asleep is a bit worn though. And what has leaves got to do with anything. Good though.

Starts and ends with a nice clear voice, but gets a bit confusing in the middle

Beta-blockers better still.

Well written, a bit of the 'science' sounds too much like pop cosmology though.

yes yes and yes see my recent suggestion. also check this out: http://poetry.tetto.org/index.php?target=read&number=857

I get the feeling the message is opaque and personal (or maybe I'm just dense), but I like the imagery.

well that was just to long jack.but i liked it till i fell asleep...........

It must be a terrible nightare not to be loved. Wake up know your time has come.

Yup. That's the way the nut sac singes.

I hope this doesn't get missed. I'm gonna take a few reads before I vote.

The parenthesesed part is pointless. And the poem is kind of messy. Other than that very good.

What about the opioids that null extreme pains when the pain is no longer adaptive?

Rap was the first thing I thought. If you dont want it to be rap, slow it down some, use some longer lines etc. Bloodline, is more to do with heredity than the body I think, but I applaud the rhyming of non-common usage words.

Reading this made me cup my balls...I enjoyed it

the past is always over, so now I look toward the future ! what a simple concept

Not going to be an arse and post this again. Just to say the newq title is to be 'the lime walls' the other title was too political, and the poem too trite to explain a political problem. I've deleted my comment replies too, as I was being dragged into it myself.

Thanks for the comments on this, I may use part of it but the poem for me developed too much into a bit of a broadside against aging and the old, which was not meant.

Sometimes there is peace in giving up on love, and though rare, even happiness. Small technical quibble about the shortage of syllables in the 5th line, but a very beautiful poem making very good contemporary use of a venerable form. Incidentally, I cannot imagine who could in good conscience give this effort a "0".

This is awsome, i really like it, you don't follow any 'rules' of poetry, which I love, good work