Goad
on If by elixir
23 Jan 2004, 4:13 PM
WAS. WAS WAS WAS WAS. WAS. AAAARGGGHHH how could you DO that to me. It's like scratching a blackboard. If love WAS I WOULD. If love IS I WILL. Got it?
this is marginally less obnoxious than most of the I can't live without you because I'm a teenager pomes, so you get a 4.
well, you certainly squeezed that one dry. You must have been thirsty. That can happen when you go wandering in the arroyos of life. Dry, dry, dry, and then BAM a deluge that leaves you broken and sodden.
I don't want to be touched by Boo.
Who the fuck is she? WHY did the stars become runny? Let me get this straight: a naked ship is going to fall on us gently like a snowflake out of the winter mists? A ship... Okey dokey. How can the gentle, floating ship be both brittle and snowflake-like?
what what's all about? The hokey pokey? Please next time wait 'till it has stopped dribbling before you shake it all about.
What the hell are you talking about? What kind? Can we get some kind of clue here what you're talking about?
Perfect. Put periods at the ends of the stanzas and a bow in its hair and send out into the street to the tune of a jig. Tomorrow it may drown itself in the Liffey, but tonight there's only tonight and infinite possibilities for love.
I meant to say it doesn't sound like Poe. Sounds like Burns and Joyce (of course) but better. Poe was too clumsy, even in the dark tarn of Auber poem which I can't remember the name of now. And I think Jodhpurs is a great touch and don't know enough about Briticisms to know if you made it up or not.
Suicide Soup?
Good example of bad poetry.
So many words to say so little.
Welcome to our century. Here's an introductory 9, which in your time was a big numerological deal.
I was cool until "left over from the war." Are you serious? And if you are, still don't say that. The best part is the first stanza. And if you're wondering why I gave yellowtail a 9 for a poem with one of those accented past-tenses ('claspèd') and you got just an 8 it's because I assume yellowtail is an adolescent and (as of now) that you are not.
the harem smell of disinterest- perfect! Full load!
of course.
less telling -more showing!!!!
Nice to see a fresh post from you!!!!!