Thanks for the compliment on mine man. this poem is strong. when i read peoms.. i just try to listen as i say them aloud.. this really hit home. great job.. i'd give it a 15 if i could!!!

[X] AABB rhyming scheme [_] About romantic love [_] About poetry-writing [X] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [X] Clerical errors [X] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair) [X] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [X] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc) [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sentimental [X] Self-pity [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment Mediocrity score: 11

I'm going to start counting, and if I get to 10 you're out of the pool for the rest of the day: (1) Terror's is possessive, with an apostrophe. (2) You are not a refugee; I don't believe you for an instant. (3) in fact, the so-called 'information' in your so-called poem is either forty years out-of-date or dangerously disgustingly and dangerously wrong. Oh, the poor 'victims' of a terrible 'regime' have been driven to our 'friend' Pakistan! Huzzah for friendly Pakistan! Pigheaded bullshit. What did those poor refugees do? Cart their simple possessions across the highest most desolate part of the planet? Bullshit and bullshit. (4) This poem has no rhyme - yes it does - no, wait, it doesn't again. (5) 'Me' and 'feet' do not rhyme. (6) The end of a line is not the same thing as punctuation. (7) I'm still enraged by the ignorant bullshit propaganda-swallowing of this crap poem. Or maybe you were referring to the Muslim emigration from India in 1947-8. Way to keep up on current events, ace! (8) 'Some nights - I still do face defeat' is just laughable - as is, 'No education, or higher learning.' (9) 'Pray religon [sic]; it finds me' is the second worst use of a semicolon on this site this week. Not to mention that this so-called sentence makes absolutely no sense. And religion is misspelled - which is to be understood, I suppose, since you are a recent immigrant to Pakistan. (10) "A foreign sand... under my feet."

and yet another crushing blow is dealt. i hope you brains are as handy with a hammer as you are with words.

Apparently.

Doh! It rocked right up to the very last fricken line! second to last line if you meant "prose" and not "pros" inserting the "chances", indicating a random element is completely incongrous - plus it just sounds *wrong* sticking heaven in there suddenly. I wish very much that you fix those last two lines - the thing is awesome otherwise.

I wrote this peom when me and my ex-girl-friend broke up. She went one way to college and i went the other way. Enjoy!!! ~Nathan

I wrote this for school.. it doesn't mean much. You're more than welcome to use it for someone you love. ~Nate

Interesting but very simple and no illustrations or emphisis on anything particular..

I love this peom. Its written so anyone can understand it. 10 THUMBS UP!!! great work!!!

HOW WONDERFUL!!! Thats amazing. You have great talent my friend. Great Great work!!!!

this is a beautiful peom!! It brought a tear to my eye. Wonderful JOB!!!!!!!

This one is even greater. I'm sorry you lost your mother. This poem shows how much you love her still. You've done a great job of showing how much she has meant to you!!

I like it. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme at all!! I can tell this came from the heart!! a heart that was broken! I gave it a 5 because i wasn't sure if you were killing yourself and i hope you weren't trying to!!!

I like it... but do you answer?? LOL!! Call it the phone call!!! ~Nathan (ga_writer)

nice... i like it ~nathan (ga_writer)

I DIDN'T EVEN READ IT.. I JUST SAW THE COWBOY AND WAS AMAZED HAHAHAHA!!! thats neat!

??????????????WHAT ARE YOU SAYING??????????????? ARE YOU DEPRESSED???

Really nice last stanza.

Simple. Should make a good song.