DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Terrors Children

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 Mar 2004 · 5 comments

We are refugees, terrors children. Pakistan is not our home. I work the streets - just to eat, And to support my family. Bringing water, weaving carpet Collecting garbage from the streets. I'll shine your shoes, I'll wash your dishes Some nights - I still do face defeat. No education, or higher learning Pray religon; it finds me. Away from homeland - distant border A foreign sand... under my feet.

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mean 3.67 weighted 4.84 rank 10712 views 224 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

5 comments

[6] zodiac 7-Mar-04/2:57 PM Reply

I'm going to start counting, and if I get to 10 you're out of the pool for the rest of the day:

(1) Terror's is possessive, with an apostrophe.
(2) You are not a refugee; I don't believe you for an instant.
(3) in fact, the so-called 'information' in your so-called poem is either forty years out-of-date or dangerously disgustingly and dangerously wrong. Oh, the poor 'victims' of a terrible 'regime' have been driven to our 'friend' Pakistan! Huzzah for friendly Pakistan! Pigheaded bullshit. What did those poor refugees do? Cart their simple possessions across the highest most desolate part of the planet? Bullshit and bullshit.
(4) This poem has no rhyme - yes it does - no, wait, it doesn't again.
(5) 'Me' and 'feet' do not rhyme.
(6) The end of a line is not the same thing as punctuation.
(7) I'm still enraged by the ignorant bullshit propaganda-swallowing of this crap poem. Or maybe you were referring to the Muslim emigration from India in 1947-8. Way to keep up on current events, ace!
(8) 'Some nights - I still do face defeat' is just laughable - as is, 'No education, or higher learning.'
(9) 'Pray religon [sic]; it finds me' is the second worst use of a semicolon on this site this week. Not to mention that this so-called sentence makes absolutely no sense. And religion is misspelled - which is to be understood, I suppose, since you are a recent immigrant to Pakistan.
(10) "A foreign sand... under my feet."

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › zodiac 7-Mar-04/6:15 PM Reply

Would you go out, please!

[5] smlink84 › zodiac 7-Mar-04/9:04 PM Reply

Hey Zodiac, what else do you do in your free time?

[5] smlink84 7-Mar-04/9:05 PM Reply

Interesting but very simple and no illustrations or emphisis on anything particular..

[n/a] BrandonW › smlink84 7-Mar-04/10:38 PM Reply

This is definately a step in another direction for me. I write of my experiences, and what I know. Though the other day I watched a show entitled, Terror's Children on the Discovery Times Channel. And I just so happened to write down this poem immediately afterwards. I know nothing of being an unwanted Afghani immigrant. You are absolutely right, this poem was very simple with no emphasis on one particular thing. This was just my simple interpretation of what I had just seen. You can check it out here: http://times.discovery.com/convergence/terrorism/tunein/tunein_tch.html

By the way, Thanks