Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 20:07:29 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Terrors Children (Free verse) by BrandonW

We are refugees, terrors children. Pakistan is not our home. I work the streets - just to eat, And to support my family. Bringing water, weaving carpet Collecting garbage from the streets. I'll shine your shoes, I'll wash your dishes Some nights - I still do face defeat. No education, or higher learning Pray religon; it finds me. Away from homeland - distant border A foreign sand... under my feet.

zodiac

7-Mar-04/2:57 PM

I'm going to start counting, and if I get to 10 you're out of the pool for the rest of the day:

(1) Terror's is possessive, with an apostrophe.
(2) You are not a refugee; I don't believe you for an instant.
(3) in fact, the so-called 'information' in your so-called poem is either forty years out-of-date or dangerously disgustingly and dangerously wrong. Oh, the poor 'victims' of a terrible 'regime' have been driven to our 'friend' Pakistan! Huzzah for friendly Pakistan! Pigheaded bullshit. What did those poor refugees do? Cart their simple possessions across the highest most desolate part of the planet? Bullshit and bullshit.
(4) This poem has no rhyme - yes it does - no, wait, it doesn't again.
(5) 'Me' and 'feet' do not rhyme.
(6) The end of a line is not the same thing as punctuation.
(7) I'm still enraged by the ignorant bullshit propaganda-swallowing of this crap poem. Or maybe you were referring to the Muslim emigration from India in 1947-8. Way to keep up on current events, ace!
(8) 'Some nights - I still do face defeat' is just laughable - as is, 'No education, or higher learning.'
(9) 'Pray religon [sic]; it finds me' is the second worst use of a semicolon on this site this week. Not to mention that this so-called sentence makes absolutely no sense. And religion is misspelled - which is to be understood, I suppose, since you are a recent immigrant to Pakistan.
(10) "A foreign sand... under my feet."

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