nice....

hehe, you caught me in a good mood. I just left my boyfriend's house and i miss him :-P being sappy can be fun

nice title

-2 for self-loathing +8 for self-loathing

At first, I thought this was about joining the Army and going through boot camp....

Although you misspelled 'invisible', I think this is pretty damn good.

fashizzle my nizzle.

I feel the same way about my Uncle Sam.

I get it and it's good.

Are you familiar with the short story "Brokeback Mountain" by Annie Proulx?

Why does this remind me of every song from 1976 to 1983?

a rewrite?

That last bit has to go. And if you are going to offer up a rewrite, you should especially fix the spelling errors - there really is no good excuse for that.

"green" once - certainly not three times. summer[']s

3 spelling errors - why? Four if you count "rumbled" which prolly shuld be "rumble" This is almost good, but the "plethora" of heavy modifiers drags it down.

Topical, I spose.

agreed, good title.

If this were mine I would drop s1 and 2. They're not needed. It certainly captures how I feel coming out of a long cold winter.

I think s1 and s2 should stay. Maybe it's because I see a slipping under in the expanding lungs of spring, as death in the beginning of life. Nice!

Yes, cynical. But the the last verse says a lot if you leave out "tell them that they're full." I don't see your point otherwise.