I think this poem is hilarious in weird ways. For doing such a good job with a topic such as the gym, I give it.. a TEN!

what the hell? this seems to me like the biggest waste of time ever.

absolutely loved it.

good job expressing the emotions, this is amazing

keep the last stanza sans last line and, well... save the rest for another poem. or something.

a great flow K, I like a good rhyme when it isn't forced, and this one works well on a non-common sentiment.

broken here: "I do admit that little fit She threw hampered my clever plot" would rather seen "thrown" not bone rhyme with stone (bone is illogical) "ease so fair" blows.

stultus es

I want to think of this as you laughing at yourself, you writing a rather silly poem about a deep-felt hurt and making fun of the fact it was your affair that brought it all on.

?

i was amused, and i think that Shuushin was mistaken about S3; you have to read it out loud, it flows better. however, i had a little trouble with S5, lost the rhythm. overall, very well done.

S1 was cheesy; other than that i enjoyed the poem. the broken structure really added to it.

this poem is different and refreshingly unique. however, i think that you could have spent more time on it; it sounds like you accepted the first rhyme that came to your head instead of looking for a better word that flowed more. for ambitious creativity, you get an 8

lead us in a little more. you just right to the point too quickly; make us care about the person who slips away, it'll make the song more meaningful.

Stanzas 3-4 are copped from Doug Adams. To wit: "Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars, etc... and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish, and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."

I think this one is good. where are they...should be easy to spot, seems a bit clumsy. And i almost did not click when i read the title, glad i did though.

Agree with horus, the 1st stanza is quite expuisite in the way it is written. You are a fine talent richard.

i'd hav to agree with Supreme.. intolerably lengthy, but maybe you meant it that way - due to the subject?

you fail

You definitely win the award for this week's most arbitrary line breaks.