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Diary entry (edit) (Free verse) by richa The omens gather like clouds:
A hefty wood pigeon
lands on a maple,
upsets the grin of a wet leaf,
rain falls on my head--
she is beautiful
the butterfly claps, earth
puts forth its crooked mirror.
Up the ladder:
Window Washer (midtown)
Down the ladder:
Down Again
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.5
Posted: April 12, 2004 1:29 PM PDT; Last modified: April 28, 2004 12:41 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.2102365 Overall Rank: 978 Comments:
[9]
deleted user @ 17.255.240.138
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12-Apr-04/4:47 PM
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Reply
Your poems are mysteries, wooden pigeons landing in trees. I can only latch onto glimpses of heftiness, grins on wet leaves, and think of myself as beautiful. Or did I misread the signs?
Loved the first stanza.
Really to be frank and not Peter? Your last line Peters out, and that's why you have five 8's. People are being kind, but we all know what that means? It means your last line is poopy.
I kinda like it. Quick sad statement on misinterpretation, that could easily be misinterpreted. LOL,. The wet leaf has no choice but to let go.
this is kinda funny in a way.
Much better. But with the new, longer footnote you need to find another way to set it apart, methinks.
Well, I'm still a little miffed that you didn't come to my desperate aid on "The People" - but I forgive you.
hefty wood pigeon... is this a type of pigeon, or are you telling me the pigeon is hefty and made of wood? I sincerely thought the latter until I started trying to help you come up with a way to say it was hefty without saying "hefty". And now I feel dumb. Is the last stanza part of a question? maple it is, maple it isn't...
Agree with horus, the 1st stanza is quite expuisite in the way it is written. You are a fine talent richard.
Since you told us the wood is the habitat, I'll believe you, but woud not have thought of it that way. Otherwise, I like it much.
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