| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Down Again (Free verse) by Birdman42s Down Again
I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
as I lay here on the floor
I have no strength to get up
I'm not worth it any more
Up the ladder:
Diary entry (edit)
Down the ladder:
The Masonic Underling & the 33 degree
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.206897
Posted: November 2, 2002 10:48 PM PST; Last modified: November 2, 2002 10:48 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.2039123 Overall Rank: 979 Comments:
[10]
vulcan @ 80.242.3.80
|
3-Nov-02/12:28 AM
|
Reply
great!impressive very!
You are good with rhythm. If you work on finding a way to make your reader feel what you are feeling, rather than just telling them, your work will be greatly improved. Imagine your feelings as something, even something as simple as a monster under the bed, and describe your feelings in metaphor.
Amazing!
It is great. I think it explains how everyone feels at one time or another.
prescription drugs can solve this for you, birdman
I. I. I. Me. Me. Me. Really this is nothing more than a statement without any images. One screwed up sentence of "Oh Woe, Woe is Me." Not a poem worth anything.
210 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
