Pimple? Borderline, a Masterpiece

A bit bland. Liven it up.

As thoughts, amusing. As poetry, shite.

You know what's worse than th insincere rhetoric of equality? This poeme. [_] AABB rhyming scheme [_] About romantic love [_] About poetry-writing [_] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [X] Clerical errors [X] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair) [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [X] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [X] Lower case only [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [X] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc) [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [X] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [X] Sanctimoniously moral [_] Sentimental [_] Self-pity [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment Bonus comment: Kittens do not knead their mothers. -9-

But what happens after death? It's all a bit of a mystery, isn't it?

You're not supposed to put your own poems in your favourites list. Well you can, but it makes you a tool.

WHAT IS A MULLET TOSS? WHY TOSS A MULLET? WHEN DOES THE ACTUAL TOSSING OF THE MULLET BEGIN? WHAT HAPPENS TO MULLET AFTER THE MULLET TOSS? HOW MANY PEOPLE USUALLY COME TO THE MULLET TOSS? WHAT ARE THE RULES FOR TOSSING A MULLET? Go to http://www.florabama.com/Special%20Events/ Mullet%20Toss/mullet_toss_faq.htm "Celebrity Tossers at High Noon Saturday"

You are second only to horus8 in your ability to utterly mangle the form of the limerick.

And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.

Circumcise yourselves to the LORD, and take away the foreskins of your heart, ye men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem: lest my fury come forth like fire, and burn that none can quench it, because of the evil of your doings.

None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.

And I saideth unto Him "Hurry upeth! You're using all the hot water!" Bathroom 2:14:99

I can feel what's going on here, and for that a 8, but some lines like "eyes Wide Shut" and "Deafening my already burst ears" are snatched or don't make sense.

Yes, you imply an afterlife. But it must be a good afterlife to show no worry about it going in.

From "warrior of womanhood" to lover of a man. That's the feeling I got half way through. But toward the end it looks more like a speech in favor of equality as newly defined. I like the first half better for that reason. It seems the Irish "ladies" is out of place. By "hearst" do you mean hearse? A good poem, but it seems more like two.

It's nice to see that even the pagans and heathens among us are well versed in the word of God. Some day, perhaps, the light that has so profoundly changed my life will be shed upon their retched souls that they may know His glory and find true peace in their lives. For the enemy of man is man, in that he has chosen not to see that which has been revealed to him but instead to deny his own nature and declare war against his own soul. He has suffered the price of his self-imposed blindness….a history marked by murder, plunder and untold violence and suffering. If only he could see as I have seen! Surely this would put an end to his decline and, as I have, he would rejoice in the goodness of God and come to see the rich inheritance that lies within his grasp. My fellow Rankers….I shall cease to pray for you only after you have stood beside me on the mountaintop and tasted the fruit of our loving Father.

Sweet and ironic.

Nice image, but what does it mean? I suppose that doesn't really matter because I can imagine some things it might mean.

A great thought. Just don't send it to him! This kinda stuff drives 'em off. You've got to trust me on this.

Funny! Then, a somber thought. Nicely done!