| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Equality (Free verse) by sarah i need your love like the earth needs water
i knead your love like a kitten kneads her mother
i need your love like a thought strives to be original
yet continues to recycle and reprocess the historical
life in centripetal forces of course will always bring you back around
the world has lifted this little girl up and then it consistently throws
her back down
still
you know that i always come back around
i am a warrior of womanhood gone wrong, then dusted off to sing a song
this melody is a memory of older and odder ladies of the language of men
i will carry on crusades that are much older than the blood in my veins
i have collected the selective subconscious of my elders in a hearst
that i have outlayed
i am a witch who has come to raise their distant voices which were
thought to be decayed
i carry on torches that burned near so far as i can see beyond the sun
and time and without restraint to "days"
they are the voices of empathy
they are the voices of truth
they are the voices of sharing
they are the voices of youth
within each search of my ancestral links i can see nothing
yet when i look around i see that everyone is linked to me
there is no escape you see?
you equals me equals equality.
right?
so what's with this double tongued entendre that i have been taught to
embrace?
equality in reality is beginning to mean "i'm better than you" when you
look in its face
the folks who preach this far too frequently have never even looked up
the meaning
equality is the condition of being treated equally
let's disregard what you think of my history
i fear this will never happen
yet i work towards the peaceful ways of tolerance
i believe that when we are finally free
you will embrace me regardlessly
Up the ladder:
After her storm (draft)
Down the ladder:
A dream world
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: April 25, 2004 11:15 PM PDT; Last modified: April 25, 2004 11:15 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0397344 Overall Rank: 7126 Comments:
From "warrior of womanhood" to lover of a man. That's the feeling I got half way through. But toward the end it looks more like a speech in favor of equality as newly defined. I like the first half better for that reason.
It seems the Irish "ladies" is out of place. By "hearst" do you mean hearse? A good poem, but it seems more like two.
yes. i agree now, it is two poems. or should be. thanks. :) much appreciation for your comments.
take care, sarah
You have the aura of election upon you.
167 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] About romantic love
[_] About poetry-writing
[_] About suicide or self-mutilation
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[_] Arbitrary line breaks
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[X] Clerical errors
[X] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair)
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[X] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[X] Lower case only
[X] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[X] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[_] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc)
[_] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[X] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[X] Sanctimoniously moral
[_] Sentimental
[_] Self-pity
[_] Thesaurophilia
[_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons
[_] Vicarious wish fulfilment
Bonus comment: Kittens do not knead their mothers.
-9-
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&
:) nice checklist. did you make that yourself?
peace to ya dark one,
sarah
bonus comment: you're funny
The checkliste was concocted by an old army chum of mine, E Carawax, in his MEDIOCRE POEME CHECKLISTE LABORATORY:
http://www.mycgiserver.com/~prawne/medio
however, your hostility is off-putting. thus my rationale for appearing "impervious" to your criticism. though i appreciate comments, so thanks for yours.
take it easy,
sarah
^-^ ahaahhhahahh [cough] ahahahhHAHHHAHH